Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What the hell to do !

8 replies

whatsthepointnow · 15/11/2005 17:04

I know I'm not a mum, but watch this site quite often as some really good advice is offered here. I have been with my wife for over 10 years now and the relationship has not really been that great from day one. She has suffered from depression for along time, over 5 years, and is often moody and sometimes angry. We have 2 children 10 and 8. 3 months ago I just had enough of feeling miserable and decided to tell my wife and kids I was leaving, but 1 week later was still and am to this day. We talk, but when we do, just bicker and try to get one over on each other. The atmosphere is terrible and I feel sick most of the time. We have tried relate, but this has just made things worse as certain truths were not appreciated. What makes things worse, is that I am not even attracted to my wife anymore as she has gone from on attractive 11 stone to 18 stone and I just dony fancy her anymore. When we do talk about what to change, she says its me thats shallow and that I need to do all the work now to sort the relationship. This has been rubbish for years and now I am at wits end. I have suggested a trial seperation, but she just says in her opinion that they end in a permanent split. She has become threatening recently and I am worried that this might get out of hand. Now I don't know what to do, I think a trial will give us some space to think without the tension. Please give me some advice ..... Cheers

OP posts:
doormat · 15/11/2005 17:10

Get a babysitter and wine and dine her
try to put a bit of confidence back in her life as sounds like she may have low self-esteem
when she feels good about herself, she will start to look good.
BUT
if you really dont love her anyone and are only there for the kids sake, I would look at defo moving out and on with your life.

Hope I have explained myself properly
xxx

doormat · 15/11/2005 17:10

sorry if you dont love her anymore

ThomCat · 15/11/2005 17:11

oh so sorry to hear this and to hear that you end up feeling literally sick with it all
Personally I think you soiund like you very much need to take a big step back / away so you can breathe and think clearly but it's not me that has to pack a bag and leave 2 children behond. I do know however, as a child of divorced parents, that I am so happy that my parents split up, i now have a happy dad and a happy mum, a wonderful step-father and extended family. If you are miserable together that will only effect the children anyway. It'll be awful, and the hardest and worst thing ever but if it's right then it'll be ok in the end. I hope, whatever you do, that you and your wife eventually find some happiness.
TC x

steph1974 · 15/11/2005 17:25

Yeh,its better to have two happy parents who live apart that two miserable ones who live together,if its just that you dont fancy her anymore then that can be rectified,although it will be quite difficult if she is suffering from depression of some form,but if you dont love her anymore then I think you need to give her some kind of ultimatum as she is not listening to you when you suggest a trial seperation,maybe you should say its either a trial seperation or a permanent split,she has to choose one.

If you are miserable though I think you have to make a decision and stick to it,your children would want you both to be happy.Good luck.

spacedonkey · 15/11/2005 17:28

Oh dear, it sounds a very unhappy situation. I think you're right, you do have to separate for a while because it sounds like there's no communication at all going on. From what you've said your dw sounds extremely angry. Not all trial separations lead to permanent splits by the way - my sister and her bf split up for about 2 years but eventually realised they love each other and got back together again. Agree with everything others have said about it being better for the children to have happy parents apart than miserable parents together.

NotQuiteCockney · 15/11/2005 17:29

How long did you do Relate for? Why, exactly, did you stop? Relate can help give you a good divorce, if they can't bring you back together happily.

What is your wife threatening?

If you still care about her, you could try to improve the situation, but it's hard when the other person is being difficult about it all.

ThomCat · 15/11/2005 17:30

Spacedonkey - is that really you??
Sorry whatsthepointnow, just have to say hi to Spacedonkey.

spacedonkey · 15/11/2005 17:31

hi tc

New posts on this thread. Refresh page