I hate this :(

[HauntedLittleLunatic]

XP had been having an EA for up to 2 years. I spent 2 years in denial, convincing myself it was in my head. Being convinced int was in my head, but ultimately I allowed it to happen.

In Feb this year it finally came to a head when I found confirmation that it was more than EA (but not quite physical yet). XP kicked out. Now living 200m around corner. OW is 50m over road.

I hate having to face her house every time I go off my drive.
I hate having to do school run at same school as her DCs
I hate having pass XPs flat and thinking...oh he's up early this morning...oh yeah it is OW's day off they will be meeting up for a shag after school run
I hate having to watch XP and OWDH standing together all best buddies when one is shagging teh others DW
I hate discouraging my DCs from playing with her DCs
I hate that I can't bear my DCs playing with her DCs (especially after XP admitted he "used them as as an opportunity to reinitiate their affair within 2 weeks of them both lying to OWDH)
I hate that i can't trust XP to have the DCs without using them to facilitate a relationshipe with a married woman.

I hate that I am so exhausted all the time (and I am sleeping at night)
I hate that I have not motivation to get out of bed on teh weekends when XP has DCs
I hate that I have no-one to hug me and kiss me (sexual pleasure can come from other sources but a kiss can't)
I hate the thought that I will be alone forever. Not that I am ready for another relationship but I wouldn't know wheere to start/find someoen when I am ready. Who would want a single mother of 3? When am I going to get out, none of my friends, not that I have many are single looking for a date.

I need to move because I hate the proximity to XP and OW, but can't move far because I am committed to a course.
When I do move I hate that it will be away from DCs father, but I can't stay here, I have nothing keeping me here apart from teh stress of the first few points.

I can't help but think that one solution to all this is to drive my car into a tree. I can categorically say that I am not planning on do anything to faciliate that, but if it did happen it would be a solution IYSWIM.

Yeah but every time I look like more of a bitter mad woman. Atm I am playing it cool. He (owdh) is currently rebuilding a friendship with me after not being in a position where we could be friends over last couple of months cos OW was always playing guard dog (she took a lot of time off work to prevent him doing school run on his own).

The dynamics of our friendship is quite positive atm and I don't want to rock that. I don't think it will be long before he asks something which will allow me to raise the subject in response, and hopefully if he raises it he will be in a more receptive frame of mind.

Besides I have no agenda to split them up (either OW & OWDH or OW and XP), and that wasn't what this thread was about although all comments and reassurances that I am completely normal in my feelings and actions to date more than welcomes. I just want to move on with my life, and struggling to see how with the current scenario I am in.

Hope you're feeling better today OP and a bit more hopeful/sane - at least that you're not being unreasonable, that your feelings are normal in a really shitty situation. Any developments?

Thanks for asking springy.

No developments per se. Have an action plan regarding warring house up to put on market.

I think I was just on a major downer a few days cos xp had flaunting his ow in my face.