Nervous breakdown

[atosilis]

I think I am sliding into one, I keep making excuses not to go in to work. Nothing I see is in focus. When you feel like this, where do you go?

Straight to your GP. Is there anyone you can talk to? What are your circumstances. xx

My OH had a stroke this year, he is now very agressive and hasn't got a job. I drive 2 hours to work and back which is why I keep making excuses. Been to the GP and she said it was my age and that's what happens

You must ask to see another doctor - that answer was completely unacceptable. It is not your age, it is how you feel.
In the meantime can you do anything to help yourself to feel a little better, healthy eating, cut down alcohol do some swimming ort walking? I find it really helps to take a proper break at lunchtime, by taking a short walk (even around an industrial area you at least get some day light) or window shopping, rather than hunching over my desk.
Is it possible to stay somewhere nearer to work one or two days for a break from the commute and from your DH.

Is he getting any theraqpy of any sort after his stroke?

I do understand what I have to do but just need someone to be with me and do it.

and the right direction, I can't pay for professional help, the GP won't help. Just need a map and directions

Are you crying, lovely? I wish I could roll up and help in person.
BB is absolutely right you know. You must ask to see another doctor. Professional help is imperative.
Are you getting any other vision distortion at all? Hypersensitivity to noise? I had both of those - and was told it was an extreme reaction to stress.
You must get help. Seriously.

Thinking of you.
x

Sorry -asking if you were crying might sound a bit creepy - not my intention at all! I just got a weird feeling that you were...

I'm sorry to hear you're having an awful time OP. Here is a website with a lot of phone support numbers, people you can talk to who will be supportive www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Helplines.aspx. Hope that helps - you won't be the first and not the last by any means, plenty of us have been through times like this. It does pass, promise, but you need proper support while you're going through it. Your GP was wrong to fob you off - tbh I think a lot of GPs do this in the first instance and then if you don't come back they assume you're ok. You must go back and see another GP if possible. xx

Sorry, didn't do that link properly
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Helplines.aspx

I understand from personal experience how hard it is to ask for appropriate help from a dismissive doctor. I didn't want to go back to ask after the first brushoff. Partly from the overwhelming sense of inertia and fading ability to take control of my situation. Partly because of the sense of futility. All that effort to go back, only to not be listened to, given that my capacity to argue my case and push for something appropriate was diminished to the point that a non sympathetic doctor could interrupt and dispense with me before I could work myself up into formulating an argument as to why they should not. Net result lots of effort just to end up feeling worse than I did before I went.

So I wrote it all down. What the problem seemed to be, the potential causes of the problem, the degree of my incapacitation and laying out what sort of results I wanted from any treatment. Lots of bullet points to make it easier for him to read quite quickly.

Took hours to write, not least because I was doing it in my second language and even when at my best I procrastinate against writing when it is not in English.

Did work though. He read it somewhat huffily while I sat there at his desk, which meant for once I got to "say" my piece, ALL of my piece, without interruption and being cut off, and he was unable to minimize what I was telling him by forcing me into silence before I'd finished. I think the concrete nature of having something written down also spurred him into a less off hand approach for fear of being seen as rather negligent if it all went horribly wrong.

I got what I needed in the immediate , and once I had picked up a fair bit one of the first things I did was change my doctor. The one I have now doesn't consider her ears to be mainly for the purpose of head decoration. Which helps lots.

Might be worth a try if you simply don't see the point of going back because you think another brush off is a foregone conclusion and can't bear the sensation it brings of somebody off handly pushing your head under water while you desperatly doggy paddle just to stay afloat.

Great advice from fastweb and you don't have to go for private healthcare, ask to see a different GP at your surgery and take your written list as suggested. GPs are supposed to give you a questionaire type sheet to guage the level of your depression/anxiety, someone may know what this is called, or I can find out later today. As you can tell from the replies here a lot of people go these feelings of stress and dispair, but you can, with the right help, get through it. Keep posting, you will get a lot of support here. I am out for the day, but will come back to you this evening.

Dealing with your husband's stroke, and the effects of that, coupled with such a long commute every day is bound to take it's toll. It's good that you recognise that things aren't right, because it's easier to be proactive rather than reactive to depression, etc.

I think from what you've said you are in a downward spiral - you can't face work, so that causes the added stress of not going to work, which makes you hate the thought of going to work even more.

You have to break this cycle; and with the right help you can. See another GP at the practice. Write everything down, and explain that you know yourself better than anybody, and this is not age related. Ask to be signed off work sick for a couple of weeks - then ask for an anti-depressant; Citalopram, for example, is one we prescribe regularly and is usually effective within two weeks. It is also effective for anxiety.

Ask for some help regarding coping with your husband, and ask to be referred asap to a NHS counsellor. If the GP isn't willing, then call MIND (they have a website) and explain everything to them. Tell your GP you will do this if they don't help.

Keep posting, and good luck.

Thank you, brilliant idea to write it all down and hand it to the doctor.

Glad to be of help; write it all down, all about the effect of your husband's stroke, and your tiredness, and your work situation. Make it clear that you might be of a certain age (I want to slap people when they say "it's your age"), but that because you are of a certain age, you have lived with yourself for long enough to know yourself inside out, and you know you need help. So try and turn that to your advantage.

Then go along, hand it over, and take it from there. The trouble with depression is that we feel we don't deserve help, and we can't always ask for it. But a good GP will appreciate you writing it down, and will take it seriously, I'm sure.

With my mental health hat on - I think you're suffering from nervious exhaustion love. And considering what you're coping with, it's no wonder.

Good luck.

Atosilis, do you have anyone who could go to the doctor with you? Whereabouts are you?

Does it help to be away from work or is it just as stressful being at home?

I'm worried when you say nothing's in focus. Do you have high blood pressure? It seems you are suffering a hell of a lot of stress.

I can't discuss this with my family, Dad is ill and my parents can't deal with anymore stress. My older sister says to toughen up, OH is alive for Chrissake, what's my problem. I will write a letter to my doc and send it to the surgery, hopefully she will take a bit more notice and get in touch.

"and can't bear the sensation it brings of somebody off handly pushing your head under water while you desperatly doggy paddle just to stay afloat."

Beautifully put - and reminiscent of "not waving but drowning"

I'm really annoyed and sorry the Doctor was so dismissive it sounds as if you have had a lot on your plate. I have suffered from depression and anxiety, well I was diagniosed with post traumatic stress disorder after a serious illness 4 years ago.

I think the letter is a good idea and if you are feeling really stressed then call samaritans. It sounds as if you need a sympathetic ear and some more help but that would be a start. I agree about cutting out alcohol if you have any, I didn't drink at all for three years and now have maybe one unit a week.

The other thing I did which helped me was some deep breathing exercises. I found them on the MIND mental health website. I also went for three short walks a day, only round the block, 10 minutes each but it did help me.

Your sister sounds very unsympathetic unfortunatly, I would imagine it made you feel even worse. If she is like this then I would avoid discussing anything with her.

I wish you all the best.

atosilis

Your sister sounds most helpful, not.

The pressure cooker effect of trying to deal with a very ill person, especially if their behavior is effected, is magnified a thousand fold if the people around you lack comprehension and you never get to unload.

Does your husband have a specialist or a primary doc running his treatment ? if so I'd ask them if they know of any support groups available for families of patients. Sometimes these things are not well advertised.

In your letter to your doc do you think it might be worth asking about the possibility of counseling ?

I'd suggest keeping this thread as your place to be heard and understood at least for the time being. It's not the same as a real live person offering ears and shoulder, but it is infinitely better than no place to go with what you are feeling.

Thank you so much for your replies. No, the minute I walked out of the hospital with him, that was IT. I understand that he is very depressed, he used to be very smart but now he slobs around in tracksuits. He is in bed when I leave for work in the morning and lying watching TV when I get back at night. I do come from a family which is very stiff upper lip, hence my sister's attitude. I do keep calm but just aware that as much as I think I'm coping, my body is going in another direction. Being on here and seeing the kind responses is making me feel much better anyway. Thank you

I did look at stroke groups but he had a stroke very young and won't go to be surrounded - quote " by dribblers in wheelchairs" /unquote

I was thinking more about a support group for you love, it must be a sort of grief in many ways, your husband went into hospital and somebody very different came out the exit. It might not be a stroke specific group but maybe there is something for spouses whose are going through this sort of transition.

It's often body that doesn't have much choice other than to cop out on us. Practical necessities and external pressures can put the opportunity to process the huge psychological and emotional implications of life changing events out of reach. If we can't plod on regardless due to lack of cooperation from our moving parts, we then finally get the chance to take stock and begin to adapt and adjust...and grieve.

Fastweb, you are very right, he might not need any support (except me) but there will be other women in the same boat. I'll look again.

atosilis

I know it can be heartstopping and tramatic to think of yourself as a carer rather than exclusivly a wife, but I think the people who fall under that title might be the ones who are well placed to understand the pressure you are under and the trauma you are going through.

I don't know where you live so I've pulled you up a general list to give you a place to start (if it appeals)

Carers' support groups and organisations