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Original poster

If dc's and I leave the marital home.......

17 replies

liketoknow · 03/06/2011 11:21

do I loose my "rights" over it?
In brief, we've lived here for 14 years and have no mortgage on the property. DH has instigated the end of our marriage but won't leave! I'm happy to separate and have found another property and arranged a mortgage "in principle" with the bank, but I don't want to leave our home and, as a result, loose any rights over the equity.
I know that I need to see a solicitor, it's difficult to get away to do that, so if anyone has any experience/advice it would be appreciated!
Thank you.

OP posts:
sugartongue · 03/06/2011 12:31

are the pair of you married? if so, moving out won't effect your right to the equity, but if you have the funds to sort a mortgage on your own you may get less out of the property. You can go to the sols and get DH kicked out you know, so that the DCs don't have to be moved about.

Original poster
liketoknow · 03/06/2011 12:48

Thanks for your reply.
Yes we're married, been together for 22 years and married for 17 of those. I'm only able to get a mortgage offer with DH's wages being taken into account as well but he has a responsibilty to help provide somewhere for me and the dc's to live?
I wish he would do the right thing and leave the thought of packing up the dc's stuff when this house is all they've ever known makes me want to weep.
I was advised - unofficially- that if I have custody of the children that I am entilted to 70% of the assets, not sure if this is true and I don't want to for go any of that by moving out.

OP posts:
harassedinherpants · 03/06/2011 12:55

No, as you're married you won't lose any rights by moving out.

I left our marital home, and found that home is where you make it! A cliche I know, but it's very true.

Original poster
liketoknow · 03/06/2011 14:01

Thanks Harassed, did you leave with children? how did you cope? I'm sure that once it's done my life will be a lot happier, it can't be any worse! but when you've been with someone longer that you've been with out them it's difficult to make that leap, even though I know it'll be for the better.

OP posts:
harassedinherpants · 03/06/2011 14:16

No, unfortunately my ds's chose to stay with their father at that point although ds2 soon came to live with me.

I'd been with xh for over 15 years, so just under half my life at that point. I don't know how I coped tbh, I just did!! He was physically and emotionally abusive and I ended being taken away in an ambulance with breathing difficulties and was advised not to go back for my health. It's not easy, but material possessions and houses don't mean that much to me now tbh, as having lost pretty much everything and got over it!

I'm re-married now, have a wonderful dh, 5yr old dd and 10+4 prg again, and best of all a fabulous relationship with my sons.

You'll get there!! I saw Relate on my own, they were very good and got me through the break up.

balia · 03/06/2011 18:29

Why is he refusing to leave? Does he want to live in the house long-term and buy you out of your share, or is he waiting for other things to be sorted? (arrangements for the kids etc)

butterflybee · 05/06/2011 20:35

Thanks for asking, I had the same question.

Original poster
liketoknow · 06/06/2011 08:49

Thanks for the replies, it's difficult to get onto the computer at the weekend when everyone's home.
Balia - maybe refusing to leave is the wrong word, more like he can't be bothered! If I sorted him out a flat, arrange the mortage/rent, furnished it for him, sorted out all the bills and preferably put a girlfriend in there as well for him, then he might just leave - but I'd probably have to pack his stuff for him!
I would've carried on "for the sake of the children" but he's the one that's decided it's over but won't do anything pro-active about sorting it out.
Butterflybee- I assume then that you're in the same situation?

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 06/06/2011 08:54

If there is any abuse going on, I think you can get him removed - but if not, then you're a bit stuck with him. But when it goes through the courts, you may be able to take the marital home back, I'm not sure - if that's what you really want. Make sure you do though - perhaps a new start somewhere else might be better?

Someone may be able to point you in the direction of a useful legal-type website with answers for you - I don't know of one, sorry but there must be one.

butterflybee · 07/06/2011 23:17

Yep, I'd like to stay in the family home but he won't move out. Partially, I think he's trying to get me to reconsider but I think a large part is not being bothered, just like yours! I did all that for the last 2 places we lived (minus the girlfriend, unless we're counting me), why not the one on his own :)

FabbyChic · 07/06/2011 23:20

Are you sure that he has responsibility to find you somewhere to live? I don;t think so. He shouldn't be getting a mortgage for you because that would mean it is his home not yours.

He has to maintain his children, not necessarily you.

Amateurish · 08/06/2011 08:23

You don't have the right to boot him out - why should you?

70% "rule" is also rubbish.

You say you can get a mortgage on the basis of his wages. Obviously, you will need his consent to do this. Does this mean that he has agreed to help you buy a new place?

Amateurish · 08/06/2011 08:26

To answer your question more positively - you do not lose any right to assets that both of you hold, even if you move out. However, it might be difficult to force your DH to sell the house and release the equity after divorce. After all, you both need somewhere to live.

Original poster
liketoknow · 08/06/2011 11:37

FabbyChic why would he not have responsibilty? He's staying put so the dc's and I have to move out. I have found the property to move into but I need some money to do that, he can't expect to rattle around in our 4 bed family home, mortage free while the children and I struggle surely?

Amatuerish Thanks for your reply, I know I have no rights to kick him out but considering he's the one that wants to end the marriage I would've thought/hoped he'd do the decent thing and move out so that the dc's and I can stay here. He won't budge and things are getting more and more difficult between us, for my own sanity I have to leave.

OP posts:
Amateurish · 08/06/2011 15:11

Sounds like you'll have to persuade him to leave - by any means necessary.

piellabakewell · 08/06/2011 19:21

I was in the same situation, waited it out (which was hell) and eventually he agreed to mediation and at the fourth session agreed to raise a mortgage on the house so that he could pay me some of the equity. He gave me £200k (house worth around £750k) and I had to borrow another £150k to buy a tiny 3 bed semi for me and the DC. For my sanity, the most important thing was living separately. The divorce is underway now and I'll be asking for a reasonable settlement. He is likely to contest it so I'll ask for 50% on the grounds that he will pay that out of court rather than go to court and find I'm awarded more.

I was in the fortunate position of being able to borrow £150k on my own, but I had to pay £10k stamp duty and equip and furnish a whole house while he stayed in the marital home with everything around him. I don't mind that part so much as I'd rather buy new than sit on 'his' sofa and sleep in 'his' bed in my house.

FabbyChic · 08/06/2011 19:26

He will have to buy you out, i.e give you half of the property value, you can force that via a solicitor.

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