I am such a fucking moron

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

Just had phone sex...and it wasn't with my husband.

Marriage is at an all time low and currently can't see what miracle will put it back on track.

Old colleague (always been a spark (or whatever it's called) between us, he's 17 years older than me & divorced) text me today saying how much he was looking forward to me coming back to work on Monday and it just went from there.

I'm torn, was possibly one of the most erotic experiences of my life but I've just cheated and I've always had the opinion that is one of the most deceitful, despicable things you can do to another human being.

I don't even know what I'm asking from you, just need to tell someone, anyone got a time machine to take me back an hour?

Look- it was only phone sex. No one has died.

Just put it down to experience and get on with life- go and do some housework or something.

seriously- you are making too much of it. Forget it and do not under any circumstances contact him to say sorry or don't tell anyone- you'lllook an idiot.

Holly, I wouldnt continue to beat myself up, it was a mistake, an abberation and you obviously feel bad about it. Use it as a tool now to discover what it was exactly that made you do it and if you want to stay in your marriage.

You arent a bad person, you are a human one who made a mistake and regrets it. I wouldnt respond to him via text and in fact if you are in his company and he brings it up say "Dave/John/Stephen - that really shouldnt have happened and will never happen again - too messy for all concerned so lets put it behind us". then carry on talking about something else.

Stay calm and collected about it. Ur ok - truly - you have just done something that has shocked you and ur a bit all over the place cuz of it, in a few weeks you will have a clearer view of the whole thing - put it behind you.

xDeb

"A bloke who offers up phone sex like this at the drop of a hat, has usually done it 100s of times before, and knows what they are doing."

how do you know he offered it up? Op didn't say who initiated teh sex talk. how do you know it isn't his first time doing it just the same as it was OP's?
do you make those assumption because he is a man?

Oh dear, been there, done that. It went on for months and got addictive until his partner found out. Thankfully she behaved much better than I deserved and did not tell my dh. I ended all contact immediately with the man.

My marriage was going through a tough time, I felt flattered etc etc, but all it did was leave me feeling awful in the end.

End contact now, don't text him again - not even to ask him to keep his mouth shut, and try to avoid him at work.

I'd call him, not text, say it was nice you've never done that before - but as you're married it won't happen again - keeps him on side and makes it less awkward than saying nothing.

Update - I didn't text or call him, was too chicken.

Started back at work today, new boss, new team, going through my emails and there is one from 'him'. He has written to my boss, cc'ing me in, saying (I'm paraphrasing) so great that HollyBBB is back in the business, her track record speaks for itself and I'd like her and only her to be considered for PM role for upcoming Manchester scheme (his Region).

I went bright red and all shaky again. Boss hasn't yet mentioned it but when we had some time together I reiterated how hard it would be for me to travel to long distance schemes due to pickup/drop off of DD which he was totally fine with.

What the hell have I started and by the power of MN pls make it all go away.

I think perhaps you need to contact him, tell him nothing is going to happen, as he seems to be trying to set it up for you to meet him more often....take the bull by the horns. Perhaps email - not from work account!

Oh dear. You really need to deal with it, call him, tell him it was great/lovely/ego boosting/earth shattering - delete as appropriate, but that it can't happen again, as much as you like him you are happily married with a child and there's no way there will ever be a repeat performance - sorry :(
Tell him that you don't think it's a good idea to work closely together and even if you did, which you most emphatically don't - you cannot do the travel because of your DD. Call him.

Ok, was brave and called him today. Pretty much said what ChippingIn said, he was totally fine with it, his usual lovely charming self, said how much he'd enjoyed it but understood my message 'loud and clear', and that I shouldn't think he wanted me on the project for anything other than my skills (yeah right, I'm not that naive!).

So feel like it's done and dusted and I'll live to fight another day. Not a big trauma in the grand scheme of life but enough drama for me for a while!

Thanks again for all your help.

Next time he calls wanting phone sex just tell him to go fuck himself.....but say it in a very unsexy way otherwise he'll do exactly that.

to be honest he prob doest take the flirty texting as seriously as you do so you might not need to worry about him telling people.

So far he has behaved perfectly well and I would try and keep a friendly relationship going, warning him off the no no area.

I wouldn't work up there though.

Very brave OP, well done xx

Well done, OP. I think you were very brave to call him and say what you did. Geniunely brave of you.

And sorry to piss on fireworks and all that... just watch him, is all. If he's in ANY kind of position to influence others at work, remember this - you turned him down... Of course he was charming. Doesnt' want to end up with egg on his face now, does he?... Just be aware of what you say / how you behave etc etc if he is ANYWHERE in the loop with what you are doing. Nobody likes being blown out now, do they?...

Good luck. Don't beat yourself up. I was married - about two years in - and ended up having multiple cyber sex with this man - TOTAL stranger... I didn't tell my husband, I just cut all links one day. I regret it, but we all do stuff we shouldn't, and there but for the grace of God. Don't allow it to become a stick with which to beat yourself. You did the right thing in the end. Good on you.