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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being the upbeat one

1 reply

smeraldina · 31/05/2011 21:50

This is not a major relationship problem but I do think I could handle things better. Our DS (2) has some minor health issues, which have involved surgery in the past, which has been pretty worrying. That said, it's always been very likely that he will be fine -- or that, if not 100% fine, that he will not have any problems that will affect his life radically. Post-surgery it has just transpired that not everything is completely resolved.

I've addressed this with DH and he has gone into a slough of despond and gloom. He tries to hide his sadness, but it's obvious. I'm sympathetic, but I feel as if I am always the one in the relationship saying 'It's not the end of the world', 'We'll deal with it', 'Thank goodness we have such a lovely, healthy, happy little boy'. My reason for being upbeat is the fact that a) we are really in a very good situation - as I said, health concerns are relatively minor and b) it's, in my opinion, crucial for our little DS. But perhaps I'm being annoying. As it is I feel inwardly ground down by having to be strong and optimistic.

Tonight, it's like a cloud has descended upon the house around DH. I feel as if unless DS has a state of completely 'perfect' health (whatever that is) then gloom will reign. Any advice gratefully received....

OP posts:
LadyButterfly · 31/05/2011 23:09

Not sure I have much to offer but, through my work with children with disabilities, I know that it takes time for some parents time to come to terms with their child having additional needs. Perhaps your DH needs a bit longer and to be more fully engaged, eg going to all appointments to hear and ask questions rather than you passing on news after having time to digest it. It is ok to be sad and worried so let your DH have space for this..... But not for too long and not in front of your DS. it is great that you are upbeat and positive and so important for your DS. Hope you are all ok.

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