I didn't want to Hi-Jack the other thread with a huge post.
Twelve years ago,as an adult who had just completed six years of therapy,to try and make sense of my car crash life,I moved to a distant location with my dc,leaving my p's and b's in our suburban hometown.
Shortly afterwards,both b's got jobs away.My p's then - astoundingly,to me then - upped and moved 370-odd miles to a house three tiny streets away from me,in my new little rural life."because they missed my dc".
They began dropping in at any time.Every day.They joined every local thing going and became a loved and respected part of the tiny,insular community . Everyone thought me so lucky.It felt like hell to me,and I felt confused and guilty.
Then my youngest b returned from abroad and bought a house in the next street.He met and married a local woman.My middle b moved in with them as a lodger.They set up a business together and became members of the local Order of Buffalo's (or whatever).Younger b and sil had triplets - boys .(M dropped my dd's like a ton of bricks)
My 2nd marriage broke down and they all saw fit to instruct me as to how to conduct my life thereafter - regular critical phone calls,lectures at gatherings,rumour,gossip.And I was told that my "rabble" of 4 dc's ,were too unruly to attend further gatherings at b and sil's house .And that it was indecent of me to do anything other than stay at home and be a good mother - ie,I should give up work,refrain from social outings and certainly not date.When I did not do this,I was ignored.
Unsurprisingly,this was the time when I met now xp.A big abusive N.
To cut it short,following an uninvited visit during which all this was again shrieked at me by m,whilst singing the praises of sil,I wrote letter to my p's stating how unhappy I was,and how I felt they were all behaving unsupportively.
They all blanked me from that day on.
My p's and I were "reconciled" by abusive xp a year later.I now regret this.
I moved my dc and myself to a bigger town an hour away.
Through MN,I realise that they are all very NPD-like in their behaviour.
I have learnt to go "hmmm" or to ignore my p's and see them as little as possible.My B's tell my p's that they are deeply sad not to see my dc.and regularly attempt to contact/see them through my p's,but without me.
They have never acknowledged dc5,but send cards and gifts to all my dc via my p's.This of course,is a cue for m to urge me to write to them etc,or to cry about how sad it is.My b told my xh that I would have to apologise to him and sil "on my knees for a week" for writing the letter before he would consider telephone contact with me.
I do not intend to have any contact with my b's,ever again.I feel very sad - for the relationship I thought I had with my b's.The one I wanted.I am sad that my dc don't have a relationship with their cousins.Family gatherings happen without us.My p's have written their will so that all three of us must sign for probate at the same time.Control from beyond the grave!
But the hardest bit is the aggravation provided by m as she pretends everyone is one big happy family,or that I am the thorn in everyone's side,depending what fits whatever rubbish she is spouting at the time.They are currently all away together on a big all inclusive holiday - m invited my dc to go,but asked them not to tell me.She then flatly denied this,in front of dd,when I asked about it.
One day ny p's will die and then I will have no family outside me and my dc.Fine.