Cannot cope with dh away

[meravigliosa]

This is so trivial but I am not coping with my husband being away this week, and probably most of next, for work. I have to go away for work as well, so I should be better at this, but I hate being in the house on my own. My kids were here last night but are now with my ex till the weekend. I know this is nothing compared with what Forces families live with everyday and I feel guilty for being so weak about it. All of my closest female friends live in other towns and cities and can?t just pop over for a drink. Work is pretty solitary too. I work partly from home, but even when in work there is not a lot of contact with others.

The last time he went away for any length of time I had a miscarriage and had heavy bleeding and was kept in hospital overnight. I had no-one to take me home when they discharged me in the morning. It was a horrible experience. I am now 21+ weeks pregnant and scared that history will repeat itself while he is away. I can?t stop crying and am not getting my work done.

Oh, no wonder him being away makes you so anxious if something horrible happened last time. Of course you know rationally there's no particular reason why it should, but it's bound to connect in your mind with that bad time. If you can't pop over and see a friend, would a phone call a text or mail exchange help, just to remind you there's someone around who cares?

So sorry for your upset and sending you very best wishes for a successful pregnancy. I was told when I lost my first that miscarrying first pregnancies is quite common. It's almost as if your body needs to get in practice first. Did you have any counselling to help you get over it?

I did have some counselling because by the time December (which would have been the due date) came round, I was a wreck. I got pregnant very soon after I started the counselling. The counselling also came to focus on how bad I feel when he is away. I've stopped going partly because it was £50 a pop and cash flow isn't the best right now, but also because I do feel I need to get a grip about this myself and there is no way that his going away for work will stop.

Thank you for the good wishes. I had a mc in 2001, then had two kids, then the mc last year. Am now ancient (41) and high risk for other reasons, so nerves are on edge. Though I was high risk with the two successful pregnancies as well and they were both full term and healthy, so I know logically there is good chance that will happen again fingers crossed.

I don't like sleeping in the house on my own even without the understandable fear you must be feeling this week. Don't feel bad about how you're feeling.

If you can work from your home presumably you could from someone else's - is there an option to ask a friend if you could come over to hers for a couple of days? Even if she's out during the day you would at least have company in the evenings. Can you go into the office more? As it's half term I would imagine you'd have little problem finding a spare desk to camp out at.

I think at a minimum, if I were you I would have an emergency plan with a couple of close friends on the very, very slim chance of something bad happening so that you won't be alone. This will not be an imposition for a true friend.

You must only just have had a scan but could you arrange a midwife appointment for a quick checkup?

Hope the time passes quickly - remember, Mumsnet is always here!

That's good, anyway. My mother had a miscarriage in her early 40s and was devastated because she thought it was her last chance, but thankfully after that she had my brother. There's nothing more effective than a successful pregnancy to help you come to terms with the unsuccessful ones, not that one ever entirely gets over them IME. No doubt you have your local emergency services on speed dial (or if you're a low-tech sort like me, the number handily near the phone). Then you can relax a bit.

Counselling is no disgrace. Just with physical conditions, some things you can get over by yourself, others you need help with. Sometimes it just helps to talk.

Have you been to see your GP as I know that sometimes you can get referred for counselling through them. I would like to second what Tribpod says about having close friends on stand by just in case.
Its never easy when DHs go away and in your case with the added stress and worry would make it harder and feel like time is dragging, I am a forces wife and the only way I get through the times DH is away is by having things planned and thinking about the positives, ie no toilet seat to put down, I watch what I wanna watch, I have the remote control, have people round and eat all the things DH hates.
Could you pop and visit family for a few days?
My DH went away at the beginning of April for 5 week (we live about 4 hours away from family) so me and the DC went to visit family for a couple of weeks that helped to break up the time and when we came back we only had a few weeks left, DH is away again at the end of July for 4 months so me and the DC are going to visit family for the summer holidays before my DS starts school in September, and I am already thinking of things that me and the CD can do while hes away.

I wish you well and remember you are a strong woman, your DH wont be gone forever, start making plans for what the two of you can do when he gets back, a romantic walk or Dinner out together or even just a takeaway at home with a film, also get him to bring you back something nice, I got perfume when my DH came back a couple of weeks ago.