Counselling tomorrow - am bit worried

[cathkidstonbag]

Keep hearing horror stories from a friend who knew someone who had counselling and was so traumatised after she had a nervous breakdown :(
I've been on the verge of cancelling the appointment for weeks and just am not sure I should go. I don't want to be more upset than I am. I'm only just holding myself together now. Whilst I'm not expecting a quick fix I still find it hard to justify how much this is going to cost and worry that I'll start it all and have to keep going or I'll get worse :(

Don't not go based on the experience of your friend. What are you in counselling for and what kind of counselling is it? I've had a general talking therapy and a more helpful stint of CBT and have found both very helpful.

I've decided to see a counsellor because my life is totally screwed up. My marriage has been bad for years, I put up with it as I thought that was all I was worth. Started an emotional affair at Xmas, he's treated me like crap as well and because he was somebody from my childhood it has brought back all my childhood issues that I had repressed - abuse etc. I also have a borderline eating disorder and have now started making myself throw up after food. Basically I need to sort myself out before I ruin my DCs lives!
It's psychdynamic counselling - no idea what that is???

Hah, we all need friends like that don't we! Underminers. The ones who, on hearing you're pregnant, tell you all about their aunt's neighbour's friend's cousin's obstetric emergency. Who sabotage your exercise regime by emailing you the statistics on death by jogging. Who assure you that just one cream cake won't hurt your diet, one more glass of wine won't put you over the limit, you can always give up smoking again if you have a ciggy now. Some of them don't do it on purpose of course, but for every one who is telling you the awful stories out of genuine concern, there's another one who's covertly malicious, and probably three who just like to stir up a bit of drama.

Sure, counsellors come in all shapes and sizes, some better than others and some more suited to your needs than others. And some are just plain barkin'. However, at least they've had some training and experience, so are more likely to be a safe place to unload than random friends who have never learned to leave their own baggage at the door. It's possible that the one you see first won't suit you, in which case there's no disgrace in shopping around. You really need someone you can trust for this.

Psychodynamic counselling is based on the premise that current difficulties have their origins in childhood and your primary relationships (i.e. with parents/early care-givers), and by being able to feel safe enough to express emotions in the counselling room that you have denied/buried from that time (for many reasons), you can clear patterns and blockages in how you relate to others in the present.

Counselling should never traumatise you. Having said that, it can be challenging and difficult, and a good counsellor will be skilled, compassionate and intuitive enough to guide you through it so that you always feel safe. That feeling of safety is paramount: if you don't feel it, then find another counsellor. Grief, anger, pain, frustration in fact, any emotion, really are to be expected. Safety enables you to feel them -- perhaps for the first time.

I'm training as a psychodynamic therapist, and I have been in psychodynamic psychotherapy for over three years now. It hasn't always been easy, but I regret not one minute of it.

How true :)
Have got a counsellor by recommendation, so I'm hoping that will mean she is ok. I just don't want a lot of "how does that make you feel" touchy feely kind of stuff. Need someone who can say "yep you've messed up but here's the tools to sort it out" does that make any sense?
I just keep thinking once I've been if I feel much worse I won't be able to cope. Maybe I'd be better spending the money on going out and getting totally drunk so I can at least forget it all for a few hours :S

Yes, you could, but once you sober up all those problems would still be there. Plus you'd have a hangover. By contrast, going for counselling is something positive and constructive. That's got to be a good thing, hasn't it?

Don't go in expecting instant results though. It is true that you need to feel safe and that you trust the counsellor and that's not something that will necessarily be there right from the off. After all, this is a stranger. But give it time to build the relationship with the counsellor. If you still don't feel comfortable after a few sessions then move on and find a different one.

Snorbs - tbh I am in such a state needing to unload all this that I won't care if I trust the person or not! Sure I will really but just so long as she listens and doesn't judge I think we should get on okay.
Can't remember the last time I was so worried about something. Have a good friend on standby to take me out this evening and get me drunk if necessary :) But hoping I won't be needing that!

I know where you're coming from with the need to unload. I've had counselling in the past and it was definitely worth it. Good luck!

Oh, one thing I found really useful was that immediately after the counselling session I sat in my car for half an hour and wrote down what felt like the important bits of what had come out. It helped me to get my thoughts in order and to sort myself out before having to face the world again.

Kind of dreading the after bit as I have to go straight back to pick up my DCs from a friend and I know she is going to want to know everything that was said which is kind of difficult because she only thinks I am going because I am unhappy in my marriage - has no clue about the other stuff. Writing down sounds a good idea but I will need to think of somewhere I can hide it so DH doesn't read it. Argh so complicated :(

Just tell your friend it's all a bit too raw and sensitive at the moment so you'd feel uncomfortable discussing it right now - which is likely to be the absolute truth. Promise to tell her about it when you've had a few more sessions. A sympathetic friend will back off until you feel ready; one who doesn't is not a friend you can trust with your deepest secrets anyway.

Well that was the scariest but possibly the best thing I have ever done for myself. Going to be a long journey but already feel like ive lost a huge weight off my shoulders.
Thanks to all who suggested on my OP weeks ago that I should go.

Yay! Well done!

glad it went well for you. well done.

Glad to hear the first session went well for you.

iam having counselling at present, as my marriage finished four weeks ago.
Iam not sad that it has finished but i wanted to invest some time and effort into me, to be able to move forward and enjoy my future.

This is the second lot of counselling i have had (had CBT when i had depression).

My new counsellor shoots straight from the hip and i know iam gonna hear things about myself i dont like, but i think may be necessary to hear. but at he same time i feel totally safe with her.

Keep at it - it will be so worth it
x

Hope it goes well and feels powerful.. good on you for doing something that scares you so much!