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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship on its way out ?

8 replies

argghh · 29/05/2011 15:23

Bit of background:
Been with partner 8 years, we have a boy of 7. We both work.

Struggling at the moment. Big issue is our debt problems which we are working to solve but its a long hard route and its really causing issues and hardship.
We both work full time but I do all the housework cooking etc as DP says he has a physically demanding job (true) so it too tired. I feel that if he lived on his own he would have to do it anyway and its just an excuse. This is a major cause of resentment. He often spends every evening in front of the telly that drives me mad.

Our son (7) is gorgeous and a delight, I worry about the effect on him of us splitting up (for info I have a son of 18 as well and I split from his Dad when he was 5 and didnt want to ever do that to a child again).

My DP does love me and would never cheat on me, he would like to spend all his time with me, whereas I like a bit of time to myself. His main problem is relying on me to do everything.

So crux time, I am due to go to my sisters this eve, DP not happy and said that if I go we have to seriously talk about splitting up. I dont know whether to be ok or sad about this. At the moment I intend going.

Not sure why I have written all this down but cannot get my head around what I really want to do at the moment,

OP posts:
Mabelface · 29/05/2011 15:26

What's the issue with you going to your sister's?

argghh · 29/05/2011 15:30

bit of a long story, but basically we were all due to go, now SD staying an extra night and DP doesnt want to go, so I said I would go on my own and get pizza in for them.

OP posts:
buzzsore · 29/05/2011 15:33

Why are you going to your sister's? Is it for night out or holiday or is a time-out from the relationship? Not clear on why it's an issue to him.

It sounds like a very unbalanced relationship and that he's threatening you with a split sounds like a way of getting you to fold to his will and stick with the status quo. Which is fine for him, but not for you. I'm not surprised you're feeling ambiguity about that result, given your present life as a skivvy.

buzzsore · 29/05/2011 15:45

x-posted. In a normal relationship, having a pizza with your sister would not be a deal-breaker. Is he very controlling?

Mabelface · 29/05/2011 15:47

Go to your sister's. Take control and take it away from him. His threat sounds like he's trying to get you to bend and do as you're told.

FattyAcid · 29/05/2011 15:55

Re housework and cooking - could your dh do his 50% share at the weekend when he is not tired?

argghh · 30/05/2011 07:46

I went, had a great evening.
My sister said she was surprised that I was as submissive in the relationship as I am as I used to be pretty feisty so I am going to set some rules, start doing what I want more, and if he doesnt like like it he can sling his hook !

Am in an ebulliant mood today Smile

OP posts:
Mabelface · 30/05/2011 11:46

Good on you, girl! Grin

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