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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh hates my voice...wtf?

32 replies

Dolcegusto · 29/05/2011 12:41

That's it really. After 15 years together apparently the sound of my voice goes straight through him.

Usually I'd laugh something like this off, but I'm really upset by it.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 29/05/2011 12:42

what made him say it?

ZZZenAgain · 29/05/2011 12:43

after 15 years of silence I mean ( if^ it is even true)

clam · 29/05/2011 12:46

Wow, what an incredibly hurtful thing to say. After all, your voice is part of you so he's making a big old statement there.
What else is going on for you two? Is this completely out of the blue, or is this comment an indicator that there's a much deeper issue?

Anniegetyourgun · 29/05/2011 13:14

Oh yeah... that's another one XH tried. My horrible droning voice. I believed I sounded really boring. Then I started to notice how many people comment on what a nice voice I have - out of the blue - strangers - all sorts of people, completely unasked. (A couple of over-enthusiastic young fellows even said I sounded sexy Blush.) I've come to the conclusion that it was XH's ears that were skewed.

What is it with these men looking to insult their nearest and dearest? My guess is he just didn't want to hear what you had to say, but chose the most hurtful way of saying so. The plan is that you'll leave him in peace instead of asking him to put the bins out.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2011 13:31

Whose voice is he comparing yours with ?

Funny, it is only just annoying him Hmm

garlicbutter · 29/05/2011 13:47

Ouch, Dolce, that's vicious!

Has he been getting at you in other ways, too, or is it a one-off?

Original poster
Dolcegusto · 29/05/2011 14:49

It all started a few days ago, I was upstairs and called down to dd2 to go back down stairs as I was coming down, he then got out of bed huffing and puffing about how he'd never get any sleep with me screeching at the kids. Tbf, he's a really heavy sleeper and nothing wakes him (even been known to sleep through the smoke alarm). and my 'screeching' has never woken him before.

He's mentioned it a few times since.

Things haven't been great since i started a 2nd job a year ago, he works shifts and I work 30 hrs, so we don't see each other much, but I need the 2nd job to make ends meet.

OP posts:
MonstaMunch · 29/05/2011 14:51

he was just tired and irritable and tbh if someone screeching woke me up, i dont think i would think they had dulcet tones

HerHissyness · 29/05/2011 15:06

Is everything ELSE ok Dolcegusto? My X used to say this, it was another way of getting me to be submissive and back under his control.

Not saying you live in a similar situation, but it rang an almighty bell with me then!

buzzsore · 29/05/2011 15:21

Well, what does he expect you to do about it? Is he wanting you to take a vow of silence? Is he up for paying for speech lessons like Maggie Thatcher had? Man's an idiot.

Maybe you both need somehow to spend time rediscovering each other and being kind to each other (if there's nothing else untoward going on in the relationship) but he's being very unreasonable and nasty here.

sincitylover · 29/05/2011 16:37

Ha! My exh used to tell me to take the urgency out of my voice. To me that was just another form of EA imo.

Rather than criticise your voice he could have just asked nicely if you could keep the noise down?

Exh also used to talk to me in an exasperated fashion, using my name putting all the emphasis on the second syllable of my name.

Funnily enough since the split Ive been told I've quite a sexy voice - make of that what you will.

Too many threads on here today with husbands blatantly criticising their partners it's very sad.

Dcs have also noticed a stark difference between how exh speaks to his partner, how he speaks to dcs when partner present and how he speaks to me or dcs when we're on our own. That's not good imo.

TheOriginalFAB · 29/05/2011 16:40

Try not talking to him for a while. Don't call him when a meal is ready or tell him you are going out. Give him the peace he seems to want and if he complains say "I thought you hated my voice?"

Probably crap advice but I can't be ding with shite husbands.

HerHissyness · 29/05/2011 18:43

I'm liking your advice FAB, works for me!

tallwivglasses · 29/05/2011 19:12

I hope I'm wrong, OP but an ExP started complaining about my voice, my accent and various other things that hadn't changed since the day he met me. It turned out he had itchy feet.

I'm sure I've seen WWIFN post about how a man starts to withdraw from a relationship by finding fault, so maybe keep a close eye on things?

Meanwhile, what FAB said.

PogueMahone · 29/05/2011 19:27

Your voice is such an integral part of you that criticism like this is bound to really hurt. Do you think that's his intention? The fact that, as other posters have said, he has only just noticed that he finds your voice irritating, means that it's really about something else.
I'm very uneasy about him effectively trying to silence you.

redflagsahoy · 29/05/2011 20:20

he sounds frustrated about something and/or trying to control you...what a mean horrible thing to say. and why now? Sorry Dolce. Hope you can get to the bottom of it

SarahBumBarer · 29/05/2011 21:04

Quite AF

Sound like he is deliberately looking for issues

Nob

EightiesChick · 29/05/2011 21:13

Not on to make it personal. He could have asked you to speak more quietly with the kids. Keep a very close eye on him and assess his behaviour honestly to see if there is a pattern of criticism starting up.

HerHissyness · 29/05/2011 21:24

Other question, what time was this supposed shrieking?

Why were YOU and the DC awake and he was asleep? Does he not pitch in, or does he go for little naps. X does this, means he ends up doing jack shit for anyone else except himself.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2011 22:01

Gawd save us from men who need to "lie in" or "have a nap"

ie. remove themselves from their family because they can't be arsed

fucking timewasters and bludgers

Original poster
Dolcegusto · 29/05/2011 23:17

Was about 8am, he had to be up anyway as he had plans for the day, so not ridiculously early when you have young dc.

OP posts:
humptydidit · 29/05/2011 23:20

anyfucker that made me literally lol!!!

Gawd save us from men who need to "lie in" or "have a nap"

The next lazy bastard I meet who bangs on the bedroom wall for me to "keep the noise down, I'm trying to sleep in here" at 8.30am will be shown the door straight away... tossers!!!

humptydidit · 29/05/2011 23:21

sorry to hijak... but it did come in handy in the end... I suggested he have a nap cos he was obviously exhausted and while he was napping, I left with the kids and never went back!!!!

humptydidit · 29/05/2011 23:23

dolce read that back to yourself

"Was about 8am, he had to be up anyway as he had plans for the day, so not ridiculously early when you have young dc"

Seriously, is he thinks he has any grounds for complaint about that then he is a total arse!

FabbyChic · 29/05/2011 23:26

Tell him the fact that he breathes gets on your tits.