I have been married for 8 years. Ever since the beginning of our relationship I have always felt a little stifled because I have not done some of the things I wanted to do with my life since meeting my husband. It's crazy though, he has encouraged me to do so much - I have achieved highly, academically and career-wise since knowing him, far more highly that I think I would have dared attempt without him and he has always supported my choices in that way. The thing is, the rest of the time, when I'm not working or working towards something, when we just have to be at home and do stuff as a family I find myself incredibly frustrated. All anyone seems to want to do (my husband and step children) is watch TV or go out in the car. I want to walk, run, climb mountains, go on adventure holidays, camp (in the rain, I don't care) and just let go. My husband complains about the cold and doesn't want to do it. I am the main breadwinner, my husband has worked a lot in his life but lacks drive now and isn't really interested. I feel like that's my fault, like I've stopped him doing what he wants to do by not encouraging him enough like he has me (although he is a fabulous house husband). He says I'm too critical of him, but I find it hard to respect him because he doesn't want to do anything else with his life anymore like I do. The trouble is, every time he has an idea about what he wants to do he doesn't follow it though. He just seems to live in a fantasy world and doesn't seem to want to actually do the hard work, that's what I don't respect. I don't understand it I suppose. I have always been driven and he doesn't share that. All I want to do is for him to get up one day and say right let's go, let's do this. And make some decisions. But he doesn't. Is he depressed? He says not, but I'm not sure.
I read other posts where people moan about their husbands drinking too much and watching porn or not connecting with them and I think I'm being too harsh. He is a great father and very warm and loving when he feels safe, he cuts off from me a bit now but then that's because I do it to him (because I feel so frustrated). Things are always better for a bit after we make love (which is really great but not frequent enough). We're so snappy and wary of each other. I do love him and I know he loves me but I'm just disappointed. He just doesn't seem to want to have fun or look into doing anything. Maybe I need to get things moving - but then I'm the one sorting it out all the time. Oh dear, I'm going around in circles now. Should I be complaining at all. Some other people seem to be having a far worse time.
The other thing is, if I want to get out more, should I just do it without him. Is my disappointment with him, really with myself? If I make my own life more exciting will things improve? Sometimes I think of what it would have been like to marry someone more driven and think I would have been happier - but then think of some of my friends and they have husbands that they never see and who simply stay out all the time leaving them at home with the children. But I long for my husband to build his own life (with me as well but to take some initiative). He seems so scared of disappointing me now that he doesn't do anything. But I'm disappointed BECAUSE he doesn't do anything. Any ideas anyone?