Changing my name

[braidedsilver]

This is seriously dumb, and I know it is, but while I used to want to change my last name to my DH's his parents so horribly ruined the weekend after we got married, and I hold so much resentment towards them I no longer want that name. I know that what this boils down to is I need to have a discussion with them over the fact that they trashed my honeymoon weekend, made me miserable after I had my LO (15 days later....) and are seriously intruding by thinking that after we buy a house it'll be alright for them to come stay with us when we won't even have a room for them.

And what's worse? My DH wants them to come stay with us for a week or so in our house, on our sofas and is pressuring me to accept that when I'm just not comfortable with it.

I know I need to work out my issues and frustrations with them, but it's hard when they're 400 miles away and I can't do it face to face. How do I resolve these issues? And why do they make me not want to change my name?

many issues here - but you don't want to change your name - so don't

I think you need to completely separate the two issues. One has nothing to do with the other. Whether you take your dh's surname or not is (a) not about his parents but about a decision you and he feel happy with and (b) not going to change what you're feeling about your in-laws.

It sounds like a bigger issue is why your DH is not supportive of your wish not to have them come and stay in a way that sounds pretty intrusive - a week is a long time to have guests on the sofa whilst you have (I assume) a pretty small baby to look after too.

Park the issue of the name change, I don't think it's anything you need to decide immediately anyway (other posters please correct me on this - I didn't change my name when I got married so don't know if there's a time period to register it? Don't think so though) and work through the other issues without clouding them with what's essentially a cosmetic decision in the grand scheme of things.

You and DH need to get on the same page first. Dealing with his parents is primarily his responsibility.