Technical info needed on orgasms...

[redfacednamechange]

Name changer as this is quite graphic and quite frankly, embarrassing to me...

I?ve always found it really difficult to orgasm and have probably only had a couple in my life . I never got much out of digital masturbation and found it a bit boring, though it does feel good to a point.

It reached a point where I just gave up ? I enjoy sex but as I feel I have never made the effort to learn about what makes myself tick it could be much better.

I?ve now purchased a great new toy (a clitoral stimulator) and am trying to find a way to reach the big O on my own ... So far I?ve had about four sessions. But I need some technical help.

Firstly, when I move around the general area, I feel like I?m either under stimulating or over stimulating ? it either feels ?pleasant? or a completely over the top sensation, like all my nerve endings are jangling in almost an unbearable way. It's difficult to describe the sensation but it's not exactly pleasurable and I have to move off that area pretty quickly and back to 'pleasant'.

Secondly, a couple of times (in the over stimulating stages) I have, erm, ?gushed?. I?ve heard that this can be ejaculation but it certainly doesn?t feel like I?ve orgasmed. What is going on here?

Can anyone offer some advice or, erm, techniques?

Are you giving yourself plenty of time with the pleasant stage? It's those pleasant tinglings that usually build into the orgasm, but it can take a while, it's not unusual for it to take 20 minutes or so of constant stimulation for some women.
Also, are you just using clitoral stimulation? I need something inside as well, especially to orgasm quickly, the first inch of the vagina is very sensitive and that's where the flutterings generally start, firm pressure on the front wall is very effective .
As for the gushing, I don't find it orgasmic either, more of a relaxing sensation if anything, very much like the feeling of relief when urinating with a full bladder.
Are you using lube with the vibe? That's my best tip really, if you are over stimulating your clitoris, try going around it in circles too.

Does your toy have speed settings? sounds like it may bit a to powerful for you. I suppose it depends what kind of 'mood' you are in when you use it. What toy do u have? I find 'eggs' are good. They normally have speed settings so you can go as fast or as slow as you want

Thanks for the very helpful replies, really appreciated.

Mal - seems I'm a bit impatient, 20 minutes seems like a long time! So will definitely take that into account and take my time. Yes, am just using clitoral stimulation but didn't consider the front wall ... sure I can find something to, erm, sort that out.

mummakaz - no, no speed settings. It actually attaches to an electric toothbrush! Yes, kind of strange. It's called a tingletop or something. It's quite noisy so be warned.

Will check out eggs.

THANK YOU again. What would I do without mumsnet....

A multi speed bullet may do the job better, some people swear by rabbits for the dual stimulation, but I've got a husband for that!

Haven't heard of that one :) not sure where you got your toy from but 'lovehoney' is good. If you type 'Moonlight Massager Waterproof Vibrating Love Egg', it's the one I have. I err like it

'Moonlight Massager Waterproof Vibrating Love Egg'

Haha. Who thinks up these names? Will google it when I get home. Bullets, eggs... shopping time!

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=12128
something like this is quite good- different speeds and mains chargeable.

I was like you too but found the above helped.

I think you have to forget about time- sometimes it takes me 30-40 minutes, other times 10.

You also need to stop focusing on the outcome and just enjoy things. If you are intent on "getting there" it tends to be elusive.

It is possible that the gush is wee- sorry- but the urethra and clitoris are closely connected.

if not, then it's just lots of love juice

well if it's speed you're after may i recommend the hitachi wand? quite often i need only 20seconds!

Ok, I'm trying not to be embarassed about this.........

I would say firstly, only do this when you feel horny, rather forcing the issue. Maybe try some gentle massage of your breasts and nipples to get yourself going first before diving straight in with the clit stim

Once you're actually feeling a bit turned on, try gently touching around your, oh god, I hate this word, pussy (?) and ensure you're fully aroused before getting your toy into play.

Some parts of the clitoris are hugely sensitive and it won't be pleasant at all to stimulate them in this way. The clitoris actually is not just the little bead of flesh on the outside but is inside and all around your labia. I would say experiement with the toy and find a movement that you really like, circles are good!

I would say the gushing bit is female ejaculate and can happen if you're stimulating the g-spot area which is found on the front wall of your vagina. If it doesn't smell of urine, it's not that you've just relaxed a bit too much!

Mostly enjoy it, don't put any time constraints on yourself. It may take 10, 20 or 30 mins. The pleasure should be in the journey as well as the arrival.

The ONE thing I discovered by accident is breathing techniques.

Breathe slowly and deeply, concentrating on the pleasureable sensation, and you can, on the in breath almost 'draw' the sensation all over your body - it's very effective and easy to get the hang of. After a while it's possible to bring yourself to teh edge of orgasm with no stimulation of any kind. It can also be very, very quick if that's what you prefer. :)

These are fantastic tips!

Had never thought of breathing techniques or trying foreplay. God I wish I'd asked about this before.

And thanks for putting your embarrassment aside to reply, Zanette. :)

Make sure your in the mood for it first, you need to get your mind there before your body.
Try reading some erotic literature, there's plenty on the internet as well, such as www.asstr.org/

They also say that it's important to fantasise- no good if you are making mental shopping lists at the same time. so- whoever turns you on

doublechange do you have any more details on that??? sounds good!!! is it like tantric?

doublechange - I watched a programme on telly about something called "thinking yourself off". A woman ran "thinking" workshops, which included deep breathing and was actually filmed in the process of thinking herself off. her brain activity was monitored, and apparently, everything stacked up!! Is this the sort of thing you're talking about??

I have similar problems when it comes to orgasm (despite my OH's best efforts!), and I worked for Ann Summers for over a year and can honestly say the best thing I discovered in all that time was the purple (Deluxe) rabbit, there are loads of rabbit models about now but because it had a slide control rather than buttons I got on far better with it than I did any of the later ones. Lots of eggs have similar controls so if you just want something external then I second all the posters who recommended them. That way you can start off slow and as you feel the need increase the intensity.

WRT some areas feeling too intense and nerve jangly, try moving down the labia a bit, these areas are still full of nerves, and might take a bit longer, but will eventually have the same effect, wihtout the almost painful effect of going for the over sensitive bits.

The main thing we used to say to women at the parties was if you're going to do it, do it right. Pour yourself a glass of wine (or a cup of tea, whatever floats your boat) read or watch something, or wait until you've been aroused by something (certain films get me every time), relax, and enjoy it!