Friend's DH has been going to prostitutes.

[Hadtochange]

I had to change my name for this, I'm not a troll, and I hope you all understand why I've had to.
My DH works with someone, with whom DH and I are friendly with him and his DW. DH and Collegue are much more friendly than his DW and I.
The collegue has recently admitted to my DH that he has been seeing prostitutes on a weekly basis for over a year. He is now concerned he may have picked something up and has arranged to have tests done including an AIDS test.
My question is, his DW is pregnant with their 4th child, she is about 4/5 months along. If her DH has picked up something and passes it on to her, would it be possible to harm the baby at this stage?
Also, is an AIDS test done as standard, at the time of other blood tests when you have your hospital booking appointment. As this would perhaps (hopefully) mean she would be in the clear for that at least.
I would be glad of any information, as I feel awful that this poor woman is in the dark.
If you think you know who I am, please do not say. Thank you for any information.

God, thats awful and very

HIV tests are offered at the booking in stage I think, along with all the other tests you have done.
It's optional as well so there maybe a chance she was offered it and she turned it down, which if they've had 4 kids why should she have it done.

hth

When I was pregnant I was offered an AIDS test, this was not routinely carried out with all the other tests and they had to have my permission to do it.

I wouldn't tell her what her DH has been up to but I would put pressure on him to tell her whats been going on.

I'm pretty sure the big risk of passing on anything is during the delivery. Although, if she is HIV positive, I think there are drugs she can be put on, while pregnant, to protect the baby.

What a nightmare!

(Actually, realistically, if he is visiting female prostitutes and having vaginal sex, (even without a condom) and does not have open sores on his penis, the risk of him contacting HIV is really really low. His chance of getting herpes, syphillis, etc etc will be higher.)

Does she know? Can you put pressure on him to tell her? Is he being sensible about safe sex (or better still stopping seeing prostitutes) now?

Thank you for your replies.
I thought that I had been offered an AIDS test at my booking appointment, but I wasn't sure.
Although like you say, as it is her 4th child she may well have turned it down.
I don't feel I know her well enough to be the one to tell her, even if I wanted to, but DH was really quite angry with her DH, and I do think he will put pressure on him depending on the outcome of the tests also. Although, again, I am not sure how long it will be until the results are known.

Message withdrawn

Test results are normally pretty quick. As kama has said, though, you can have HIV, but not yet have the antibodies that the test looks for. (But it's hard to catch HIV from women without anal sex, open cuts on your willy or a prelidiction for dry sex.)

How awful for this woman. HIV testing is now offered as routine in the booking in stage. They do have to ask your permission to do the test, obviously due to the implications if the result was to be positive, but it is offered to everyone. The only problem is that her test may not be reliable if her husband has been sleeping with different prostitutes over time. He may have been with other different women since she had the antenatal test, in which case she should take another if she knew the information you know, IYSWIM.

In general, HIV is not that common in this country - even in prostitutes (although some will be positive of course, especially if the husband frequents women from different countries, such as Asia and Africa, for example). The thing I would be most concerned about would be Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and Herpes, all of which are common and can cause problems in pregnancy and birth. The good news is that they can be treated if you know you have them.

The husband must have symptoms if he is concerned about infection all of a sudden? Or does he have an attack of the consciousness? This is a very difficult one and I wouldn't know what to do if I was in your situation! Good luck.

Gosh, NQC, I guess you are right that the delivery would pose a risk if she was unknowingly carrying anything.
We can only hope that the test results all come back clear or, if not, that the results are known before the birth.
I am not sure if he is having safe sex, although I presume so, but, I think something may have happened that has made him fell the need to get tested quickly. I think he was all set to tell my DH more, but I don't think he was expecting the angry reaction he got.

Congenital Syphillis can cause major problems as well.

All the "other" STDs are more and more common these days.

In theory, prostitutes are very good about safe sex, as unlike regular folks who have casual sex, they know what they're doing and mean to do it, IYSWIM. In practice, I suspect street prostitutes are maybe not so strict about things? Dunno really.

Most prostitutes are very sensible and INSIST on condom use, although there is always the odd breakage to worry about. Generally it is only the very poor, street workers who will take extra money to have unsafe (no condom) sex. However, you can still get syphilis, herpes and genital warts even if you use condoms reliably.

It is street prostitutes he has been seeing. I know that some of these symptoms don't show up as much in males as they do in females, so could it be that his DW may show symptoms before him?
I'm not sure why he has suddenly decided to get himself tested now, which is why I think there may have been some sort of "accident".
I think he was concerned about AIDS due to any drug use the prostitutes may have been involved in.

If they use IV drugs, they are more likely to have HIV. But still, the odds of them transmitting it to him are fairly low.

The other STDs are a lot easier to catch.

What a bastard. Symptoms of STI's are funny things because some have them and some do not. I would say that for things like gonorrhoea and chlamydia, men are probably more likely to get symptoms sooner, purely due to their anatomy. But this is not always the case. Perhaps he has had an accident, like you say, and thats why he is going for testing. Hopefully the experience will shock him into realising what he has been up to, and that treating your wife to a dose of the clap whilst pregnant is not a kind and generous thing to do. Can you get your DH to send an anonymous email / text/ letter to her so she can go and get herself checked out?

Message withdrawn

Bastard

i was routinely checked-during all my pregnancies which were 1997-2000-for hiv so hopefully she's being looked after there.as far as anything else is concerned....can't you have a word with the poor woman?

Message withdrawn