What should I send a woman in grief?

[spidermama]

She's my FIL's second wife. We used to be fairly friendly with one another before my kids came along and she unaccountably decided to dislike me.

Anyway, all that aside her mother and brother both died last Wednesday and so she's clearly in need of love. I've only just found out.

What shall I send?

Message withdrawn

I would send flowers with a card saying 'thinking of you'

Agree with compo

Or some very very nice chocolates with a note.

I want to reach out to her and let her know I still consider her my friend I suppose. I guess you're right. A nice card with some flowers or chocolates - pretty standard stuff really. I suppose it's the message that counts.

I think that when people are grieving they also can't 'process' much, if you see what I mean. DP's mother died last week, and I think that chocolate/notes mean something to him, but that he doesn't have the emotional energy to deal with much bar the knowledge that people love and care about him. And the chocolate, of course.

for your dp motherinferior.

Good advice. You're right.

Notes are wonderful when you've recovered a bit, also. i have a box with all the notes i was sent when my mother died, some from people telling me what they loved about her and some from people who knew me better than her saying how sorry they were that i was upset. i like to look at them every once in a while. So they are a real long-term comfort, imo.

MI- sorry to hear about dp's mother.

And notes are so important for laying the groundwork for the future relationship, too.

I've just been writing a strangely difficult one - for the widow of a dear neighbour, who was previously married to, and then widow of, my much-loved college tutor - so I've known her through two widowhoods. I very much want to see her when I'm next where she lives now; and writing to her now, however difficult, will mean that will be easier.