My Dad is driving me mad!

[confuseddotcodotuk]

I just need a rant.

My Dad is driving me fucking mad! I moved back home just over a month ago for a period to find a new job. Since coming back he's been spending more time at home during the days as his jobs are drying up a little so I know it's a stressful time for him. But he's taking it out on me!

I'm sat at home most days, on the computer and the phone, trying to find a job. I'm looking for nannying jobs so it's not like I can go to the local job centre and find a job there, I have to use the computer. At first I did it downstairs as part of the reason I came home was to spend time with my family. I thought it'd be a nice chance for us to bond and I could tell him about the jobs I'm applying for. So I brought my laptop down or borrowed their computer, my notebook and phone and set to work, trying to chat to him but he's having none of it. Either complains that I'm interrupting his programmes or complains that I'm on the computer so he can't go on. I figured fair enough, doesn't want me down here, I'll go to the PC ion my room.

He then complains that I'm not spending any time with him and am locked in my bloody room all day?! All he ever does (quite literally) when he's home is sit on his arse either watching the TV or playing poker online! So I asked if he could teach me Farsi, his language, a request I've repeated many times over the years and he's always said yes but not bothered. So I sat down with him, asked him for some words and help with pronouncing the words I did know and he decided that I wasn't good enough and he couldn't be bothered.

I've also been visiting my Nan a lot as I enjoy spending time with her, her foster child/ren and her little adoptive daughter. I've visited regularily since I was a kid and still do now, and she's gone through a lot of the courses I want to do so it's handy to have that advice on hand. But to my Dad it's the ultimate betrayal. Every time I go visit Nan he makes nasty little comments when I get back or before I go. He complains that we (me and 2 sisters) spend so much time at hers and never any time with him.

The past week has been the worst though. We lost the internet connection in my room and my laptop is bust, so I HAVE to use the downstairs computer. I told him if he wanted it I'd be happy to get off and have a break from job hunting. He's spent every evening bitching and moaning that I've spent all day on the computer even when I've offered it to him. Every opportunity to make nasty comments about anything and bitch (about my sisters, my little sister's boyfriend, my Nan, my family, my Mum, my job situation, my little sister's attitude, the cleanliness of the house, every-fucking-thing!) he will use it to make himself known. And he's always fucking right. Yesterday he was telling me I hadn't even been offered any interviews and should just give up, even though he knows I went to three (for the same family admittedly) in the past three weeks and have one next week, but no, I'm imagining things, I didn't drive all the way to fucking Hertfordshire for an interview a few weeks back, not at all!

He's been dredging up so much old crap as well, things that I supposedly remember and know about but I don't. Like when I had trouble completing my NVQ his sister contacted loads of colleges in London for me and explained my situ and they offered to meet me and everything, but he never told me until over a year down the line, and when he did he blamed me for 'missing my chance'! Even my Mum never knew about this and had to confirm it with his sister herself!

I know I'm being a pain in the arse, moving back home and staying for a while at 22, but wtf am I supposed to do?! He's being a nasty and vindictive person, he always has been, but at least before now he's balanced it out with being funny on occasion or having a chat. Now he raises his voice as if I'm three, and any time I try to be rational with him I'm the wone in the wrong and everytime I respond in kind I get screamed at!

ARGH.

Sorry. You don't need to read, he's just given me a really rough time today and I've been shouted at like a kid so much :( I just wanted to come home, spend time with my family and find myself a nice job close to home so I could continue doing the same. I now just want to leave and not see him again. I hated him when I was a child and thought things had gotten better since I moved out but they obviously haven't :(

Things were better because you'd moved out.

I suggest you look for some sort of job (part-time?) to tide you over & get you out from under his feet, while you search for a nannying position.

Or see if you can stay with someone else until you get sorted.

doesn't sound like 'spending more time with your family' is working out, at least as far as your Dad's concerned. Can you stay elsewhere?
You say he's always been a nasty and vindictive person, has never been interested in teaching you Farsi etc - why did you think he had changed? Sounds like he's the same as he's always been Maybe having lived away you'd developed a rosy vew of living at home, but now you're back you're realising perhaps why you left in the first place.
Keep focussed on getting a job, but maybe see if you can stay somewhere else.

He's in his late 50's and could retire if he wanted too and take up his only 'hobby' full time (antiques) but doesn't want too as he wants enough money to buy a second house and move into property development The thing is, I know he's down about his job not having enough hours, but he has always been like this. He believes that the world is out to get him, and 99% of the time it's because he's Iranian according to him.

I planned on finding a job down here and moving out asap, now I think I'm just looking for live-in work outside of Essex. It's not worth it, if I visited my sister he'd complain I'm not seeing him enough, if I visited home he'd ignore me and watch TV and if I saw my Nan he'd make a huge deal about how we don't love him.

Things were better because I moved out really. I moved back home for six months at the end of 09 but was so depressed myself that I just didn't bother with him after a couple of weeks. I remember him coming down really hard on me when my older sister moved out, I was about 14/15 at the time. I pretty much moved out when I had just turned 17 as I spent 90% of the time at my boyfriend's house as an escape. He was a nasty guy but better than my father and his constant criticisms.

I unfortunately won't find anything part time or full time. Jobs around here are non-existant. I've been a seasonal working for the past 3/4 years which meant moving around all of the time and getting jobs easily, I saved enough money that I could pay for some courses and things whilst I'm here and keep myself afloat for a couple of months (at my parents) so luckily thats not an issue.

The only other person I could stay with is my sister, but her landlord told her she wasn't allowed to have me stay for more than a few days as a visitor at a time as his insurance doesn't cover it or something. So I've been visiting regularily. It hasn't helped the past week that sister and her fiance have been very busy so I couldn't visit, my best friend has been on holiday and my only other friend around here has been having a rough time of things so it's not been the best time to visit. Just by coincidence I've had no one to turn to or bitch at.

Saying that, I feel much better after my first post last night. I've always been desperate for some form of father/daughter relationship but he's never gone with it. I really want to try improve our relationship at the least but he's making it so fucking difficult! :( He seems to think that by throwing money at us on occasion that me and my sisters will love him. With my younger sister it's certainly helping things, he contributes to her finances regularily as she's at uni, him and Mum say it's because she can't afford her materials, yet she seems to be fine spending her loans/grants on ASOS and nights out within a week of them coming through! But that's not really the point, I want a father, not just somebody to help me out when I have moments of trouble with finances.

DELHI: He seemed to give up the nastiness after I moved out, maybe some time before it, I'm not sure really. I regularily spoke to him on the phone (which since coming home isn't good enough as I call my Nan more apparently, I very rarely call my Nan when I'm away from home as she can't spend long on the phone!) and when I came home he was nice, him and my Mum very recently brought me a new car when mine decided to die a week before I needed to drive home to Essex from Bath which was a nice and spontaneous surprise!

I just thoguht that maybe he'd become less hard over the time away, with the way he dotes on my little sister you'd think he was an awesome father, but she knows how to play the game, and you can't really blame her when he lets it happen.