Non communicative partner- at the end of my tether.

[Baggypussy]

OK, so a relative newbie here. Just looking to have a bit of a vent and hopefully another perspective on my relationship with DP.

So, we have been together 4 years and have one child now just over 2. In many ways DP is a good partner- he's helpful around the house, supportive of me doing the things I want, and a good (fairly) hands on Dad.

My issue with him is his general moods. He often seems very pessimistic about life, and constantly makes small but significant negative comments. (Not about me, necessarily, but life in general). I can often tell what sort of mood he is in just by the look on his face when he pulls up in the car after work. (I'm a SAHM).

He also has a nasty tendency to suck the fun out of outings/holidays etc by being a general grouch.

Another part of the problem is the way he communicates. I'm quite an upbeat, chatty type, but after I've spent any considerable amount of time just in his presence, it's like I almost forget how to talk. He doesn't really do lighthearted chit-chat, and it often feels as though communicating is a chore for him. He often avoids making eye contact, and if I attempt to chat to him, he often takes an age to reply (if at all), and even then with one word answers. If he's had a few drinks, on the flip side of this, he has a tendency to talk at or over me, which I find embarassing if we're in company. It feels like there is no lighthearted banter, or joking with each other IYSWIM.

On top of this (or perhaps a reason why he's like it), is his drinking. He drinks reasonably heavily near enough every single night. He's rarely drunk, but he just doesn't seem to be able to go any length of time without drinking. He also smokes weed more often than I think is healthy. Both of these issues (drink & weed), he has previously promised to address, but nothing seems to change.

I don't want to split up with him, as on the whole our relationship is OK, and at the end of the day, we have a child together. But I just don't want to spend the rest of my life living with someone who is so little fun to be around.

Any wise words out there?

TIA

Cheers ladies.

Well, progress so far..I yesterday went to see Relate (on my own) for initial consultation, and DP is supposedly going to call to make his appointment today.

Last night, when DP came home from work, I felt positive about our relationship for the first time in weeks. He was breezy, interested..and even calmly asked me how I got on at Relate. He also said that during the day, he'd made a constructive list of why he's not happy with his job at the moment, to discuss with his line manager.

This was in complete contrast to the night before, when I literally did not hear him say 1 positive thing about ANYTHING whatsoever. That night, he was going on and on about how bad his job was, but didn't seem to actually want to do anything about it. When I attempted to point out ways that he could perhaps try to tackle the issues, he stormed off and sulked for 4 hours.

Only when I finally asked him later as to why he was giving me the silent treatment, did he tell me it was 'because I don't understand the difficulty he is in with his job, and just seem to think it's his fault.'

Anyway, whatever I said to him about it obviously did the job as at least he looks like he's going to attempt to tackle it now, rather than just being randomly negative about everything. Just a shame that I get punished with the sulking for trying to help. (Or do I sound like a harsh bitch? Please tell me if I do..maybe I need to chill a bit aswell?)

On the plus side, so far he hasn't had a spliff or a drink since Monday, so it does look as though so far, he's keeping his word.

Time will tell. But I will be making my escape plan to put into practice in 6 months as my back up.