How can he just walk away? And feel nothing for kids?

[mellyh]

This is my first time here, so bear with me if i ramble a bit please. Just about finally had enough of all thats being going on in life & need ed to share it...
2 1/2 months ago had a row (cant remember what about now!!!) with boyfriend of 6 years. he went to parents to cool off. Came round every day for a week then we went on "date" had another row, he went on train next day. Met "yoga girl" and fell in love. ie slept with her that night & every day since! We have 3 girls - then 12months, 2 1/2 and 4 years old. Oldest is autistic and is quite hard work( but lovely - ok im biased )
Hes completely switched off from this life & onto his next.Ex wife & i were summoned to meet yoga girl after only 2 weeks!!
He has been backwards & forwards to France every fortnight (where yoga girl lives) and totally ignoring his business. Anyway today he drops the bombshell that hes going to go bankrupt & that house will be reposessed (no equity as he secured loan against it - against my will - a month before he left - how convenient). So he can "start again" HOW do you do that when you have 5 young children? What is he thinking of?
He has no guilt that the children & I will effectively be homeless & have NO income. OK I will get a job at some point - but cant see how today. His justification is that if I had been nicer to him (ie got up from couch when breastfeeding & kissed him and got him a beeer!!!) then the kids would be ok now. He makes me want to scream. Hasnt contacted the girls for 2 weeks now except for calling at 8pm one night and being surprised they were in bed!!!
Oh im sorry to go on but just writing things down makes me feel a bit better.
He calls asking if i stil think about our sex life (NO) and how if I did horrible sex acts with him i MIGHT be in with a chace of us getting bak together ( as if I want that!!)
One thing I cant be is too critical about is "yoga girl". When we met he was married (with 2 kids then the same age as my eldest) but I refused to have anything to do with him until he left wife - which he did & turned up on doorstep next day! ( should have heard the warning bells then i guess) actually exwife has been a brick through all of this! And "yoga girl" does seem nice. Tho how she can sit there just saying "but I love him..." Still trying to work out what shes getting out of this all - seems a strong mum (one girl - IMAGE of my eldest) but to take on 5 more kids and 2 exes with the same story..
Could go on forever esp about his awful controlling behaviour throughout relationship and am more than happy to tell but should go now before I bore EVERYONE!!
Just cant understand his selfish arrogant attitude to kids

I really feel for you, but don't really know what to say!! I can't understand his attitude to you or the kids, but I guess some folk really just are that selfish. He sounds like a big kid himself and, yeah, you probably are better off without him, but I don't suppose that helps you much right now on your own with the kids. Still, I cant imagine a guy like that was ever that much help with the kids, huh?Look on the bright side, at least you don't have his needs and demands to pander to any more- poor old yoga girl!! Can't imagine she'll get a better deal than you or ex-wife!! Is he Brad Pitt or something that all you women fall for his charms so quickly?? He sounds a nightmare. Its funny how these controlling blokes are always so charming at first- had a friend who went out with similar for years till he went off with someone else (having repeatedly cheated on her and been forgiven)and has now realised just how much fun dating can be when you are in control of your own life!! Hope you move on, and good luck, and maybe, if there's such a thing as karma, yoga girl will break his heart!

wow mellyh - unbelievable. Sounds like you and the girls are much better off without him... his exw sounds more like family than he will ever be.

No advice to give, but keep on posting on here to get it all off your chest.

Good luck

Sounds very similiar to my ex!!!We split 3 1/2 years ago but were on and off till last september when he moved about 300 miles away,within a fornight he had met his new life!!His visits home were meant to be every six weeks,they never have been varying between 7 weeks and 3 months,after scraping the kids off the ceiling continually i told him i had enough he either sticks to the agreed 6 weeks or nothing,he wouldnt stick so i got a solicitor and stopped access in june this year,he has been in contact twice to try and get me to sort things out the latest being end of august,we had most pf it all sorted out then when i asked him about reinstating the stopped maintenance,he went on about how he has a new family to provide for,i.e new girl has 2 kids well more actually but that another story!! i called him back end of week to see what was happening regards finalising things and because he was gonna have to give me back the maintneance for the kids(a lousy £40 a week for 3 kids) he said hes gonna stay away and never see them again till they are old enough to find him themselves Total arse!!!
His new girl actually had 8 children,one passed away in infancy,the other 5 are in the custody of their respective fathers and she has 2 left with her there are 6 fathers to these 7 children !! but he chooses to be a father to the 2 she has with her and gives not a toss about his own 3 up here..............dont even let me get started !!
Incidentally mellyh i have 3 also no.1 was 6 1/2, no.2 4 and i was pg with no.3 when we split.And my eldest has severe autism too!!

Hi thanks all for letting me get it off my chest.
juliejoo and tickle - yes I know i ( and the girls) will be better off in the long run - its just such a long time from 7pm to 7am. NOT BP or any other lookalike but is SO nice at beginning of relationsip (and in front of others ongoing!)
Glad to see theres a light at the end of the tunnel - actually cant wait to go dating again, but need to sort my life out first - not much of a chat up line talking about your ex is it?!!!
Loobieloo - well done you for getting so far - sounds even worse than my ex!

Funny how they go for these girls who are nothing like us - yoga girl has a daughter but she has NO contact with her father and yoga girls father and grandfather were absent too (see a pattern emerging?)

New rant for the day - kids are ill - just coughs really but obviously feeling poorly as not even cbeebies can hit the spot. Told EXP on Fri pm about it. SMS him on Sun to ask why he hasnt called to see how they are. He gets his DAD to call to say he HAS called (NO WAY) and today STILL hasnt called to speak to them or enquire about them. BUT has had the time to email me to tell me he wont be paying me any money. AAAAAAARGH . I KNOW its only what I should expect but it still riles me
end of rant again
sorry

try to totally ignore him and reach out for someone else when you need to tell anything about the kids,thats what i now do,its hard though cause the one you should be telling about them is him but as he so obviousyl dont give a f**k it annoys you so he wins again!!tell someone who cares or even acts like they care at least its better than getting kicked in the face by him!
Start giving the kids some echinacea to help boosttheir immune systems it really helps them shake off these coughs and colds coming round the corner,it is so hard when one gets ill cause you just know they are all gonna get it then just when you are exhausted caring for them all its your turn!!!
Re:lonelyness feel free to cAT me and i will give you my msn im always around to chat as mines go down early too,i darent post it here cause he knows i used to come her and has already caused me no end of grief through emails and on the phone!!