Does Facebook enhance friendships or just leave you feeling like a stalker?

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I add people to Facebook with this hope: "I don't know you that well, hopefully over time we will see each other socially in real life and we will become friends."

But the people I add on the offchance, the ones I don't really know, tend to end up being the ones I never get to know, so therefore when I'm looking at their family photos and their "Likes" I feel like I'm a stalker, getting access into their lives when I have no right to be there.

Usually after a while I delete them. And that's the end of that.

Do you delete people if you think "I'm not actually making friends, this was a waste of effort"? Or keep people on forever in case they notice and get offended?

I added a work colleague I barely knew just cos I knew his surname and it was rare enough for me to find him on Facebook. Then we ended up getting to know each other and working closely together on a one to one basis for months. And what I found was that, although he never posted on Facebook, he still read. So I would see him and say something newsy and he would say "Oh yeah, I saw you said that on Facebook." I found it disturbing! That was was able to stalk my news and he knew stuff before I could tell him. So I deleted that Facebook identity and gave up for a while.

Then I got to meet his wife at a party. I took a nice photo of them both. I added her on Facebook with my new ID. I haven't added him again. He told me that he only went on Facebook for the sake of foreign relatives and never posted, and he told me he didn't want colleagues on there so I took that to mean I ought not to re-add him.

So now I have the wife on Facebook. I'd dearly like to be proper friends with the wife, because then we could all of us be friends and do sociable things. I love this guy to bits but I know I can only see him to the extent that his wife allows. So I do want to make friends with her. But all I see is her likes and dislikes on Facebook, I'm mystified by most of the things she posts and I think Facebook has become more of a hindrance than a help to our potential friendship. Maybe I should just delete her and give up.

Do you feel like a stalker if you add a "friend" who is just an acquaintance in real life who you hope to know better?

I am in the fb group 'its not stalking its intense research on an individual' Thats how I like to look at it

Came off FB as my niece (who is 40 btw ) was posting/updating the biggest load of shite every few minutes. How she does this with a 3 year old I've no idea!

I also felt like a loser when I saw others communicating with each other and not me. However I am a bit of a lazy cow for keeping in touch, but it did get to me so I thought "bugger this,I'm off". Don't need to be worrying about my popularity (or lack of) cos in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.

OP, join an evening class or choir or any kind of group where people actually WANT to make friends. These are the places where you will actually find genuine folk.

PS Give FB a wide berth for the time being..

Hi there Williever, I know what you mean. There's a lot of nonsense on there (Farmville, stupid quizzes aimed at teens etc). I tried giving up altogether a few months ago, it was good at the time. But I'm in a community group and all interactions there are sunny, not angst-ridden. I just need to focus on them.

Slimmed down my list from 63 to 51 and blocked my work colleague and wife. They don't have any mutual friends in common with me so I think it will not have any impact. I will go on being friendly in other ways and now won't see how relentlessly cool they are, going to their music festivals and their billions of friends. (Me, jealous? Nah!)