Need to get out but he won't let me 'go'...

[Kardashianw]

it's coming to our 7th year if marriage and past 2 years I'd say we have been on rocky roads.
I am absolutely fed up and want put but he won't let me go.
We had children and slept in separate rooms so our relationship has fizzled out he doesn't get close to me anymore I don't feel anything in the relationship.
So I thought I would give it a go and got the kids to sleep together so it then leaves me an him going to bed together. We tried it n he insists on having the kids back. I'm not happy that he keeps on doing this. I have got the kids in a good sleep routine and thy sleep better. But he wakes up an says to the kids u can sleep with me tonight when they havnt even mentioned it.
He doesn't get close at all I don't feel anything from him. I am so close to having and affair coz nothing is happening at home. I did want another child but have gone off the the idea.
I don't want to feel im wasting my years away with someone who is becoming like a brother if that makes sense.
He has a very bad temper and has outbursts every now and then. Im feeling alot more distance from him ESP when I'm trying.
Should I just get the courage and leave him I've told him that I am a d told him what the problems are then he gives me a few false cuddles and the next day it's the same.
I'm actually quite sick of going on and on!!

It sounds like he's using the kids as an excuse not to share a bed with you. Do the kids sleep with him when you're away?

Do talk to him before having an affair. Maybe he wouldn't mind you seeing someone else for a while and you don't have to go behind his back. Even if you do end up breaking up it's important that you're honest with each other.

The kids have slept with me one an with him one this has been for te past 3 years. Now that they are big they are able to sleep without us.
If I said I would want and affair he would go ballistic!
I've told him I'm leaving because there is no relationship between us an he says what do u want? So I tell him an he tells me what I want to hear and nothing happens.
I am really fed up about him and it isn't fair that the kids should be used for us to stay together as thats what he says I'm breaking up the family he puts the blame on me for everything and puts me down alot infront of family!!

Are you looking for permission to leave?
Here's your ticket :)

so u reckon I should gO?

You're not getting on. You're not having sex. Your confidence is being undermined. You can't agree on family matters. The kids' routine is all over the place. And you're asking ... what?

I think it sounds like YOU reckon you should go which is the important part.

It doesn't sound like there's a lot left in your marriage. I think you need to work out whether there's anything salvageable and whether you want to try. H doesn't sound very nice if he puts you down and has rages: a good partner supports you and while you may row, doesn't make you afraid or bully you.

If he's normally a good partner and you still love him, you could try going to relationship counselling if he's willing? But if there's nothing left to tie you together but the kids, it may be time to split.

I can't believe he is blaming me because I have said to him there is no relationship between us and all he keeps saying is I'm breaking up the family. Everything is me, I've got to do what is right. He still doesn't get it and I can't say anymore than I have already :(

It sounds very much like he's ground you down to the extent where you don't trust your own feelings & common sense, my love :( That's not a fault in you, it's an inevitable result of sharing your life with someone who constantly puts you down and twists things.

You don't need him to agree, you can just go.
You don't need ANYBODY'S permission.
But if you want some, here it is!

Have you got anywhere to go to, perhaps for a couple of weeks while you gather your thoughts?

It's not you 'breaking up the family' though, is it?

It takes TWO people to make a relationship work - you can't do it on your own. If he doesn't put in the effort as well, or doesn't want to, then what's the point?

It's actually quite depressing. As I am reading your replies it's that control he has over me he was alot worse when we had alot more money. But partly it is maybe my fault as I have let it come this way.
I've gone to separate rooms till i can find somewhere near the kids school.
I've jus have to find the courage to get out.
I will struggle financially as he pays for alot of my debts.

Either that or we go to a marriage councelling.

Yes Good for you!
I know it's a depressing thought - the practicalities, plus you can't help feeling you've somehow 'failed'. But, well, it takes two to make a marriage ... it's more of a failure to stick in a bad one.

Have you thought about Woman's Aid for a talk? I wondered if it might help you sort out your views.

He has finally admitted its his fault and we talked alot and talked about our issues and I told him what respect he has and named a few times where e has put me down. He was apologetic and was hugging me but still goes on about he feels sorry for the kids coz they cry to sleep with him. I told him that this is affecting their routine and once I'm a blue they can have a treat of have a sleep with parents but first we need to give our relationship a go so I will give it 3 months and told him if he doesn't change I'm gone.
He tried to buy me with money but Ive told him I'm happy to walk away think he has realised how peed off I am and that I mean business!
Let's c how it goes and I am too soft coz I look at him and really feel sorry for him and I do love him and I can see he loves and cares for me but as time has gone on we have both gone off our relationship.

On the pragmatic side, talk to a debt counsellor too.

You can be doing a lot on the practical side while you are deciding and trying to talk to him. That way if you do get to a point where you are ready to leave you will have a lot in place and it will be clearer to him that you are serious and have fully thought out the consequences. Doing so might also help you reach a decision.