Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it him or my sex drive?

10 replies

Libidoloss · 24/05/2011 19:35

I honestly thought that my sex drive had completely gone.

Since getting a long term illness, I have been far too tired to maintain a proper sex life. This has been going on for years.

When DH and I first got together, I couldn't get enough. This was before my long term illness started. I had issues trying to have sex with other lads when I was a teenager as I tense up, and still do now. It used to be worse where I would have slept with about 4-5 other men if I hadn't had this problem.

I am really not sure now though if it is my sex drive that is the problem, or I just don't want it with DH.

I still think about it, quite often. I fantasise a lot (its someone I used to know though, one of the lads that I couldn't sleep with due to tensing up) and I don't mind viewing some porn and reading erotic stories. I don't actually have sex though.

I am always tired and just crave my bed to sleep at the end of the day, but I just don't want to sleep with DH. I'm honestly not sure if its because I don't want to sleep with him, or its my sex drive because of illness, 2 young children etc.

Any ideas, hints, tips? I have been living like this for years and I am fed up.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 24/05/2011 19:39

If it was your sex drive you wouldn't think about it with anybody, you wouldn't be interested in porn at all either or erotic stories.

thisisyesterday · 24/05/2011 19:43

actually i disagree with Fabby.
I have gone through various patches of having a very low libido, where although I have fantasised and wanted sex, when it actually came down to it I was just (liek you) too bloody knackered to want to do anything at all.

definitely it seems to help me if I can have a break from the kids, a nice night out with dp by ourselves and stuff like that, it kind of brings it all back a bit.

TubbyDuffs · 24/05/2011 19:45

I actually realised I had a sex drive when I came off the pill! I really had to make an effort to have sex with my long term partner for years, and then when I came off the pill I realised that I actually did want it... in fact any contraceptive that I have used has seriously flattened my libido

FabbyChic · 24/05/2011 19:45

My sex drive has gone completely, so much so I don't masturbate or even think about it at all. Im just speaking from my experience. When I was with my first husband I never wanted it with him but thought about it, he just done nothing for me at all.

I think you just don't fancy him.

porpoisefull · 24/05/2011 19:57

To be honest, I don't think you're going to find out until you find a way of not being so knackered. Otherwise sleep is always going to be more attractive. Any chance of offloading the children onto grandparents for a few days, or getting your DH to take a week off work and take them out on a couple of mornings so you can go back to bed and catch up on sleep?

Original poster
Libidoloss · 24/05/2011 20:05

I do always catch up on sleep at weekends and DS is now at nursery so I get a break moreso in the day as DD is only 15 weeks and pretty much eats, sleeps and lays down. GPs won't take DD and I wouldn't leave her this young.

I do also masturbate sometimes, it just seems easier.

I was also off the pill for a few years and that made no difference so I don't think it is that.

OP posts:
CrapBag · 26/05/2011 20:07

Not sure.

I think if you are thinking about sex that much then your drive and interest is still there which suggests the problem is with you not fancying your DH.

itsohsoquiet · 26/05/2011 21:21

Again from personal experience, when I went off sex masturbating was the last thing on my mind. I didn't have any interest in sex whatsoever with DP or anyone else.

Surely you know if you are still attracted to your DH or not?

mopsera · 26/05/2011 21:51

i totally understand, have also had no sex drive since baby born 16 months ago. Now we want to try for baby no.2 but i find it so arduous! i only feel slightly sexy occasionally and wonder if its bf that stops it ; or just irritation with him /tiredness. he has a high sex drive and im worried he will be tempted to look else where! even tho we still really fancy each other ; but he 'gropes' me when im trying to do stuff or get up in the morning quickly to get ahead of the day and i find it really irritating ! if we have sex its like a chore! for his benefit and not mine....

strawberry17 · 26/05/2011 21:56

No wonder you are knackered, two very young children and a long term illness! are you on antidepressant medication at all? from my own experience and many others this can have terrible effects on libido?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page