All this talk of introducing BFs to dc is making me ?

[want2sleep]

Is it possible to have a 'friend' you see outside family life....ie in school day only when dc in school for friendship or more later on but have seperate lives homes etc? Can this be possible and last....no experience just wondered? What would you call them? Friend?
Would hate to introduce ds to someone then it go pear shaped in 1yr/2yrs and ds be attached to person!

I saw my DH without my children knowing for 4 months. I then carried on seeing him for another 2 or 3 months before I introduced them to each other. We met during the day when they were at school or at weekends when DCs were with their dad and occassionally during the evening when I told them I was going out with a friend. I never lied to them, if they had asked if I was seeing a man I would have told them. Seemed unecessary introducing them to the idea of something that may not come to anything. By the time I introduced them I knew he would be somebody significant in my life.

totallylost did it go well keeping it seperate for 6/7 months? How did you know the time was right to introduce your 'friend'/'BF'?

Anyone done this for longer i.e years and felt it went ok?

i introduced my bf to ds straight away as ds was only a baby. But bf didn't introduce me to his kids for 4 years. i just didn't even exist to them he kept me and them completely seperate.

from my side of things it didn't work at all and i hated it the longer it went on. it was the cause of many many MANY arguments and he now with hind sight sees that maybe he left it a bit longer than he should have. but now we get on great together. I was a very patient girlfriend!

after 4 years i met them and was introduced as a 'friend'. the more i saw the kids, over time they must have just began to assume i was their dad's gf, i was never actually introduced as the gf. they were aged between 12 and 16. In my opinion old enough to understand everything and be ok with it as their parents had been split up 5 years by now, but it wasn't up to me so i didn't really have a say

I can see where you are coming from Juicy esp as you introduced your ds straight away and as baby more involvement. 4 years is very very long and you are very very patient!
So if someone wanted to meet someone who didnt want to mix family and friendship yet/ or not at all best to get it clear from start what they want?

yes definately. i think if me and dp ever split up, i don't think i could do it again with someone else. Not if i knew in advance they would leave it so long

Dp did say from the start that it would take a while because he wasn't comfortable with me meeting the boys for a while which i accepted. but i expected it to be maybe up to a year, not 4. it was hard work but worth it in the end. thats what i had to keep saying to myself. a few times i nearly walked away