Been having a few problems with DP for a while now. We have been together nearly 10 years, are engaged and have two kids 8 and 4.
The main thing that is concerning me is his attitude to money and its making me question our future together.
He has always been a bit rubbish with money, and his take on things is totally different from mine.
Recently over the past 9 months or so things have got really bad financially. He pissed me off because he has been through a number of jobs and from starting the job he is currently in he never gave the housing benefit people the details they wanted for the change in our situation. I asked him on quite a few occasions to do it and he never did for 5 months, in this time I did offer to write the letter myself if he could just tell me and dig out the info they needed, and he just said 'look I'll do the fucking letter' of course he didnt. Anyway when he finally did, seems we owed quite alot of money back...money we didnt have. Council tax wanted double the monthy average payment to get the money owed back before the financial year ended, this was impossible for us so after a few letters they agreed to lower the amount but we would need to settle the remainder by april. Even after they had offered this he still wasnt paying the bill on time and we were getting reminders, and we argued as every month came round as I had to keep on at him to pay it. Anyway we eventually paid last years amount, though some were late payments.
Come round to the new tax year I tell him, please just pay the bill on time every month and we wont get in trouble again. April- I have to nag a few times and argue with him bout it again. He finally pays it after a full blown argument, but says it isnt recognsing the ref number or something, I say okay well just call them tommorrow double check its gone through, of course he doesnt, but says a similar amount has come out of his account so it must of come out. I say fine but check you account. Anyway mid april we get the letter saying its not paid. So he pays it, just in the nick of time as he now has to wait for his next pay check to do so..as he's run out of money by the end of the month. So already we are short for may. But Im really pissed off now cos when he paid the april one he said he's paid may's aswell as it was due. Now I thought this strange because he never pays a bill on time let alone a few days before its due, and I couldnt find a ref for it, and asked him where the reference number was and he said 'look I paid the bill and your still not happy stop going on' Yesterday I got a letter saying its not been paid!!
He lied, and I just dont understand why he does this. He gets paid on the 25th of each month, and will not pay the rent or council tax both of which are due on the 1st till mid month or later even though he's been paid 5 days before. We havent got alot of money and he doesnt have alot once all the bills come out but its like he wants to keep all his money as long as possible, but the problems is when the landlord does want the rent or the reminder comes throught for the c/t he is short. I really cant see why he cant just pay the big bills when he gets paid, if he is short come the end of the month, we might have to try and find a bit of fuel money or something..but the bills are paid and we dont get in trouble. Ive argued with him about this till Im blue in the face..he's answer is either I'll pay it tommorrow, or I'll sort it. He will not set up a direct debit for the c/t as he says if he hasnt got it one month he may need a few days to find it.
He attitude with all bills is he wont pay it till the final reminders come through, but to me its stressful.
We have other money issues aswell, a credit card in my name maxed out by him, I have to pay it off with the little money I have- I never wanted the dam thing!. We have a car loan in my name we can barely afford, as he quit his job that was going to pay for it at the time, again I really didnt want to get this but he went on and on till I gave in. Im the only one who can get credit as his is so bad.
Ive been highly stressed and miserable for months, I have no money cos Im paying off loans that were his idea, and Im starting to resent him for it, and now he is not just fobbing me off not wanting to pay bills, he actually lying about paying them...do you think Im being unreasonable to be pissed of here seen as them bills are in my name aswell??
We eventually want to try and move out of the area, or maybe even get a mortgage one day, but I dont know if I can take that plunge with a man who has this attitude with money.
Ive been in two minds for a while now as what to do, he was threatening to move out just before xmas as we were arguing so much but he didnt of course, and in a way I was kinda hoping he would. I have my children to consider, and I couldnt bear to make them unhappy, but I really am questioning my feelings for my DP and I really am at a loss of what to do. Even if money got better he's still not pay things on time.
Aswell as this we have a dog who I cant cope with and highly stressful, and who he shouts and swears at quite often. Iv told him I cant cope with her but he just dont want to hear it, that a whole other story, but all added stress.
We havent had sex in a few months and this is his excuse for being stressed. We had a few problems, I wasnt that interested basically, so I changed my pill for him as we thought that was the issue , but since then the tension with money and the dog and my feelings of dislike towards him has ment I dont even want a cuddle from him at the moment. The last time we did have sex, I had come home from a rare night out a little tipsy, he tried it on, I said no, he did it anyway.
Im scared of being alone, and am very worried about what would happen if we did split, I might lose my house if I cant afford rent on my own...I dont know.
I havent made a fuss over the latest c/t reminder, but will have to say something as it needs to be paid latest tommorrow or we lose the right to pay by installments, plus as its the 2nd notice we've had this year they will send no more, so if its late again next month they wont tell us they'll just want the whole years worth in one go.
I can face another argument :(
Wow that was a long post sorry.