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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Nipping it in the bud

8 replies

GuaranteedPerfect · 24/05/2011 08:25

I gave my DH a sailing lesson as a gift. I dropped him off and the first thing I saw was the lacy thong sticking out the female instructors shorts. Was a bit Hmm but not a big deal. He had a great time and all was well. He told me a few bits and bobs of the conversation and said lessons would interfere with golf so was happy for that to be the only lesson. Cut to last night when i went upstairs to get his phone and found a few emails between him and the instructor. All perfectly innocent discussing photography but still was a bit Hmm as he hadn't said anything and normally would. Anyway, i couldn't sleep so went to read the emails again to convince myself i was being stupid and he had deleted them. Nothing else had been deleted just those messages. He has also asked his Dad for info pertaining to photography so know he is going to email her again. I know I am pathetic and not feeling very well at the mo but I want to cry as alarm bells are going off. Am I being sensitive because of all the cheating husband headlines just now?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2011 08:37

Simply ask him if he is in contact with her

If he lies, then perhaps you need to listen to those alarm bells

If he tells you he said he would just find out some info for her, and that was the end of it, no problem

Do you have any other reasons to doubt him ?

The lacy thong is a red herring, btw Smile

Any of our husbands could commit adultery with women in big pants Wink

Original poster
GuaranteedPerfect · 24/05/2011 08:39

You are right and no he hasn't given me any other reasons to doubt him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2011 08:42

Will you ask him then, or will you bury it and carry on feeling uneasy ?

Squitten · 24/05/2011 08:46

Agree with AF - just ask him. I always hate when women skulk about fretting over something that could be nothing for the lack of a simple conversation!

If he is dishonest - THEN start worrying!

Original poster
GuaranteedPerfect · 24/05/2011 10:17

I'll ask him as I said I am sick just now and stress just makes my symptoms worse. Squitten I am not a sulker so that doesn't come into the equation.

OP posts:
schmarn · 24/05/2011 12:29

I suspect that at its worst this is nothing more than flattery at some attention. Believe me, if he had wanted things to go anywhere with this girl he would have said how great the lesson was and be pressing to do more. The fact that he said of his own accord that it interferes with golf is reassuring.

Just ask him straight out about it.

By the way (and this is just an observation) do you normally get your partner's phone and go through his emails?

Original poster
GuaranteedPerfect · 24/05/2011 12:53

Thanks scmarn. No, I don't normally go through his phone but he had asked me to chase up an email and when I did the person said they had sent it so I was checking to see if he was being dense. He had asked me to bring his phone downstairs so wasn't hiding as he knows I know the password as he does on mine. Will ask him tonight.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/05/2011 15:19

hope you are ok, GP x

it doesn't sound too concerning really, if he isn't displaying any secrecy about his phone

ask him why he deleted just those emails though

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