Do you share a rural school Run?

[PennyLess]

I would appreciate some objective opinions on my situation.
I share a school run with a friend who I have known since our first babies were born. We now have two each at school and one each at nursery.
I live 5 miles from the school, she lives another 3 miles on.
We have quite a complex run system. Question one, to simplify the whole thing, is: is it reasonable for her to expect me to take her children home to her at the end of the school day. It adds 6 miles on to my journey and makes the whole thing an hour and a half.
I have raised my concerns in the past (we have shared for a while but each year it changes as the children move on to different stages) but she makes me feel really unreasonable.

I won't go any further, with question 2, as it raises another issue, but it may come up later in the thread. At the moment I just need some strength for when she frowns at me and sighs when I try to tackle the issue... again.

my friend whose dd started at my dd's school this year wanted me to pick up her dd (not en route) and drop my ds off at hers so I could take the girls onto school and she would take hte boys to the primary. Anyway I explained because I'd already got my drop off/pick up system in place for last year I wasnt up for it. And this year ds has moved to another school anyway.

If you're not willing to take her the extra couple of miles I think i would be inclined to each do your own thing I think.

Tbh, I would be happier doing my own thing than getting all stressed about the siutation. Do you think it is better for me to propose that than say she can come to mine to pick up her kids?

I wonder, Skinny, from your tone, whether you think I should be doing it. Ileave the house at 3 with my 3-yr-old, for a 3.30 pick-up. This is the time it takes to get to the school (country roads) get parked, get ds out of the car and walk over to the school. By the time all 4 (all in different classes) are out and back to the car, it's quarter or ten to 4. Then I pass my own gates at 4 or 5 past, and it's 10-12 mins to her house. I then have to unload her children, make sure the have their bags, gym kit, lunch boxes, etc, and it's 4.30 and dark by the time I get home.
Does anyone honestly (and please do be honest) feel that this is a small sacrifice to make in exchange for her chucking mine out on the way past on another day?

How about if she does an extra day to make up for the inconvenience. Like if she does the school run for Week 1, she also does the Monday of Week 2, and you do the run for the rest of Week 2?

We actually only share on three afternoons, as I have other commitments on a Monday, and the school does a half day on a Thurs so we tend to have other plans. But at the moment I do two of the afternoons and she does one, because she works 3 mornings and incorprates the lunchtime nursery pickup into her return from work.
In addition, she drops her youngest with me in the mornings as she can't hang around long enough to get him to 9am nursery. she takes the older ones to school (on the way to work) while I do 40mins childminding for her and then do exactly the same run with the younger ones. This is seen as an equal exchange.

It sounds quite complicated i think if you feel it isn't fair then drop out of it..

these things have a habit of becoming more and more complicated and resentment builds up and friendships are broken.

i used to have to take ds 25 miles to school and back (100 miles each day for me) and i tried various arrangements but never achieved nirvana, it was always better doing it myself in the end.

pennyless, not sure about the "your tone" comment. I dont think it is fair for her to expect you to drive the extra 3 miles to her house but obviously you are doing it now so wonder if its worth you saying to her about the extra time it takes you. As I've illustrated, sometimes its just worth doing it all yourself. If I picked my friends dd up it would take me an extra 20 mins a day and put and double my mileage for the school run. I already spend an hour doing the school run anyway and certainly dont want to add to it so I told her.

I would stop sharing, anything for a quiet life!
When you say rural,is it you live rural and drive into town,or go to village school.Only asking as my school run WAS 16 miles!!!

We live in the country, and drive to a small town. I suppose I think "rural" is relevant as the distances are generally greater and the options fewer, so just wanted to hear from people who could imagine the situation, whether currently in a run situation or not.

The update is though: as from today, someone else is minding her child to let her get to work (it was great), and next week we are both doing entirely our own thing, every run (ie 3 times a day). This was her suggestion, as she thinks that we will both get things into perspective ie how much we appreciate sharing. I think she reckons I will realise that doing her extra 6 miles is a small price to pay for one day of not doing a run at all. She says that unless she has at least one day where she doesn't have to go out at all (ie where I take hers home) then it's not worth her sharing at all. Completely daft as she would surely be better off getting them brought half way back than doing the whole thing herself. However, that's her problem. Having done the "long run" today I know that I would rather do the lot that carry on doing that, and she really is the loser if she refuses...

I live in a rural area and was in the position of your friend, Pennyless, in that I shared a nursery run. It was five miles to nursery for me but only three miles for my 'share'. But she was always happy to do the extra two miles on her days to take/collect the girls at nursery. I used to feel awkward about it and was always offering to come and get dd from her house but she genuinely didn't seem to mind, saying it was silly to start up another car esp in the cold winter weather etc. But we were also friends apart from sharing lifts and we'd look after each other's children and so on, and also this is such a spread-out community that everyone just gives & takes wrt to lifts as it's the easiest way to do things esp as we have no public transport either. Hth.