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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My Dad is so paranoid it's driving me nuts

5 replies

smushy · 23/05/2011 13:45

Growing up I was the scapegoat, my sister the golden child. I did confront my father about his treatment of me and for quite a while we had a manageable relationship. My mother is his enabler, she covers up for him and makes excuses for him but when she is not around him, I have a good relationship with my Mum. He is now 68 and he has become completely unbearable.

He is convinced that when he goes out shopping someone is going to steal his card details and has shouted at people in the shop for getting to close when he is making a purchase. He's convinced that low fat food is comparable to some sort of poison because of the stuff that they put in it and ww are in on this deception. He's turning his house into a fortress because someone is going to break in and beat him up. My mother refuses to admit to herself how bad the problem is even though he is verbally abusive to her and has accused her numerous times of having an affair. He's left the gas rings on on the cooker on occasion too.

I told my kids off for being under mine and my Mums feet in the kitchen and my dad ordered my mum out of the kitchen followed by world war 3 in front of my children. My partner stepped in to defend me and calm things down and he was the worst in the world for interfering and is the biggest b under the sun since. I'm pregnant and the row only stopped after I became hysterical crying because it became too much.

The straw that broke the camels back was when my Dad's credit card was cloned and my partner had an email virus on the computer a few days after it happened. According to a computer company that he was in touch with because he worked in the post room and knows everything, my partner had an virus that was the reason for his card being scammed. He changed his story when I challenged him on it and said my partner told him this was why it happened (he didn't btw). He wouldn't listen to me on the phone and I just lost it with him. My Mum accused me of being the problem and denied most of what he had said even though she stood there listening.

Part of me is enjoying the break from them and I really do need it right now. But I am so hurt and angry with my Mum and the way she twisted everything. Part of me thinks its time to cut my losses and move on with my life and the other part is just waiting on the phonecall asking if I've calmed down yet and I'm to stop this feud, etc. What do I do now? Would it be stupid of me to try and get in touch with his GP because something is definately wrong with his mental health and my Mum wont admit it.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 23/05/2011 18:48

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Hassled · 23/05/2011 18:52

I think it's quite possible (and bear in mind I'm not in any way medical and may well be talking out of my arse) that your father might be starting to have some type of dementia/Alzheimer's type thing. His paranoia and irrationality do fit. Yes, ring the GP and have a chat.

smushy · 23/05/2011 20:21

My sister lives quite a distance away and hardly ever sees them. She's also got enough on her plate at the moment with her husband being very ill. Even if I could talk to her, she wouldn't want to know or get involved. Tried that before.

My DP said exactly the same as you Hassled about the dementia/Alzheimer's, he went through it with his Granddad and it broke his heart to see him like that. I swallowed my pride and phoned my Mum as I don't want my Dad to destroy the relationship I have with her. We were both glad of the chat. I'm going to try and phone the GP without telling my Mum. At least then he might get some kind of help. Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:
connectionwishes · 23/05/2011 20:26

My Grandad, the most mild mannered bloke started to have periods of anger and though that we were all lying to him about things. He wouldn't remember conversations and did strange things like yours with the cooker. It turned out that after a very long period he was diagnosed with an illness. It took my grandmother many years to aknowlege how his behaviour was and that somethign was wrong, not becuase she couldn't see it, but because she didn't want to and face what was happening to her husband. Even letting him drive when he wasn't safe, as she didn't want to upset him / take away his independance. My mum had to take over and get things to help him (she was disabled so knew better than most what would get harder for him). So if you feel this is the way forward, it is for good reason. The GP can asses your concerns and if they feel it's nessesary your dad. Then it will be in their hands and not down to you to burden. Your mum will eventually have to face up to it, and sadly as in so many situations like yours she will be more likely to accept a medical preoffessionals word over her own daughter. I wish you luck and hope it work out for the best for you all

MadamDeathstare · 23/05/2011 20:53

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