Marriage breakdown - advice needed

[summersea]

I posted previously about my marriage, thought things had improved but I have today discovered my husband has been looking up porn sites whilst he was supposed to be caring for our nearly 2 year old son. It's not heavy stuff, just babestation and the like, but I feel it's utterly wrong to do this whilst our little boy is about. He's been doing it whilst I've been out at the gym / running on the weekends, in the mornings.
I've phoned him and told him what I'd found and asked for an explanation.
So far, he's blamed me, told me I'm a snoop (yes I did snoop, no it's not acceptable usually but something told me to have a look), that I give him no affection, I'm breaking up our marriage etc. He says I've got something wrong with me and things haven't been right for ages. Strange that the other day he was saying just how much he loved me etc etc.
So, where do I go from here? I'm in armed forces married quarters and have just spoken to Navy welfare, who are ringing me back.
I feel so let down - am I over-reacting? It is totally fucked up to look at sites like that with a 2 year old nearby isn't it?

The whole thing is such a mess, we're down south but I moved down from Scotland last year. I've nowhere to live back home.

I don't even want to tell anyone, I don't want to worry my family.

Wait for Navy Welfare to ring you back. They will be able to help you. I am in a similar situation and in armed forces also. I shall be visiting welfare people this week also. perhaps ask you husband to move into the mess for a few days whilst you work on having a frank conversation. He should not be blaming you - they will try anything to turn it on you. Hope you manage to have a good conversation with him tonight.

Thanks for your response, you're right, he is saying anything to try and turn it on me.
He's just called again, told me I'm breaking up the marriage, he's been unhappy and will be happier without me. Charming!
I've told him again not to come back later on.
I feel so bloody alone, it's such a mess.
I'm sorry this is happening to you as well.

What a dickhead! How dare he blame you!

Yes it is very wrong to look at pornographic sites while watching a small child or any children for that matter! (Maybe not in a sinister abusive way) But in an irresponsible fuckwit of a man way.

I think his little outburst about your relationship trouble could be down to embarrassment but this should be knocked on the head and dealt with right now.

He must take responsibility for his immature fucked up behavior!

He sounds like he is not worth fighting for. I hope you get the help you need from welfare. They should be able to advise you how to build a life outside the forces and where to get help. Let us know how you are later. I will check again tonight.

I'm seeing welfare later in the week so hopefully things will be a bit clearer after that.

My husband didn't come back to the house after work, he asked (at 7pm) if he could come and see DS, but I didn't think that was a good idea.

He's blaming me, says I wasn't happy anyway.

This isn't about you summersea, and he's trying to deflect the blame on you, but please don't let him.

Of course he did wrong, looking at stuff like this when he should be looking after little one.

I just ended a 22 yr marriage, after two hellish years of being treated appalling by a man, because he left links to horrible teen porn open on the family computer that my teenage daughter found. It was the straw which broke the camel's back. So I take your concerns and distress very seriously.

Can I ask why you said in your OP "something told me to take a look"? Usually that "something" is spot on, was it your intuition, if so listen to it.

He needs to take your concerns extremely seriously, and he needs to apologise and express remorse. The fact that he's blaming it on you raises alarm bells with me.

Stay strong, and insist on your own space - and keep posting on here, because I hope, as I have found, that you will get lots of good advice.