Betrayed

[lonelysusana]

I just found out that my husband has been having an affair(emotional and physical). Married for ten years with two wonderful kids. When I confronted him about it he swore that he was gonna come clean and admitted to everything. He said he is in love with her but he ended the relationship as he can't live without me and kids. she is married and has got two kids as well. We have met up as family couple of times. He wants to work it out and give him another chance but I don't know what to do. I'm in a state of shock. I don't if I should leave or stay. I don't know if I can trust him or If I can forgive him. The pain is just too unbearable....don't know if things can ever be the same again. I am so confused.

:( I'm so sorry how awful . I think you need to be away from him for a while. You need time to think clearly. Do you have any close family or friends? Also how did you suspect this?

That's awful, so sorry for you and know how you feel - the world is now different.

There is no clock ticking here, take as much time as you need. And do what's right for you, not just your children as they will eventually grow up and leave home. It is possible to have a marriage after an affair but it takes along long time and a lot of hard work by both parties to regain trust and love lost. If he is still in love with her that needs to end.

IME its about escapism and a boost to the ego. (Wouldn't we all like that from time to time...)

lonelysusana - I hope you are OK. I understand completely the pain and distress you feel. The best person on MN to advice you what to do is a poster called When Will I Feel Normal. Unfortunately she has been attacked on another thread so seems to be offline at the moment. You might try sending her a personal message.

Hello Lonelysusana, cat walker is right that WWIFN is the best person. From personal experience this is what helped me: Take your time as thinNigella said. You are in a state of shock and there is no need to rush into decisions. Think carefully about who you tell for help. Sometimes people are very judgemental and push you into decisions that dont help you as a family. The book by Andrew Marshall "how can I ever trust you again" I found to be really helpful. Get some physical excersise like walking to boost your happy hormones. Start a diary so that you can put your feelings onto paper rather than churning them over in your head.

And lastly this doesnt mean you are a failure as people or a couple whether you stay together or not.

Agree with Baytree ''How can I ever trust you again'' is a very helpful , well written book. He deals with esch stage you go through from discovery to recovery.
Best wishes.

Thank you so much for all your support. I've never had a motivation to exercise before and has just started running..I'm gonna buy that book as well. I'll try to contact WWIFN hope she'll respond.

Hi susana. What might be happening here is that your H thinks he's in love with the OW, but finds instead that this was a passing infatuation.

There are a few threads on here at the moment about the pain on discovery. It might help you to read through a few of them because if this has been a recent discovery, your pain and shock might produce feelings that surprise you in their intensity, but it helps to know they are entirely normal.

If you would like to talk to me off board, just press message poster, in the top right hand corner of this post.

Good to see you again, WWIFN!

Thanks clam

I was so devastated when I found out about my Dp's affair, especially when I realised the time-scale! It is almost the same as being bereaved; you have to go through the grief and suffering! My DP always said that he loved me (even on the day that I was leaving - didn't know then that he had already been with OW for over 3 years!). It is very hard to let go of love; some of us just can't do it. So pleased that WWIFN is back - she will give to you the most wonderful advice. All best wishes to you OP - will be thinking of you! x

How are you feeling now, OP? Best of luck!