Elastic band theory

[chubsasaurus]

I cant remember where I saw this named the title but anyway...

How true do you think it is that if one partner mentally withdraws a little, consciously or not, the other will pull closer? This seems a strange and ironic fact of life in a lot of relationships I'm seeing and ultimately it must be harmful.

Not heard of this before. It doesn't seem a good thing. Is this happening to you?

Yep - I think its real. Its the push me / pull me thing, but with a different name thats all! and no its not good, but v v common I think!

My relationship of the last 9 years (on and off for the last year) has been littered with this. It's not good and can be very frustrating.

If you're the one pulling away, you don't appreciate the other person pushing towards you, because you have withdrawn and you see them as an annoyance. If you're the one pushing towards, well, that's just painful.

It definitely sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Pulling away (without ending the relationship) sounds rather manipulative.

This is the men are from mars, women from venus theory I think. Its meant to be a cycle we all do, and just means if one person needs time out, the other can appreciate that and leave them to it, rather than seeing it as something they have created and need to sort. Sometimes we need time on our own to reflect, that is how we deal with things, but it needs to be made clear the person is just taking time out, not sulking or being deliberately horrible. If the person who is doing the pushing understands this, they just need to go and do something else for a while, eg meet friends, have a lovely hot bath etc. This is all advice I have read, not my own advice, but it sounds good in theory!!