Are my feelings normal?

[ILikeItThisWay]

So I wanted to ask what you thought of my situation, as reading threads on here I have seen alot of good advice and people seem to know what they are talking about.

Im single, and have been for many years. Im relatively young (under 30) dont think im hideously ugly and do get male attention. But I like being single.

Alot of people around me seem to think this is weird. Ive had comments about me being a "man-hater" and "when will you get a fella then?".

Im a single parent and I am quite independent. I hate hate hate the idea of relying on anybody else. I quite like doing things my own way and not having to answer to anybody. I geniunley dont get lonely or crave male attention (much to the confusion of people around me).

But this is where I think sometimes my thought process is not "right" or "healthy" Because part of the reason I dont want a partner is because I cannot, and would not, trust a man with my child. I dont want someone else to play daddy to her, I feel it might be upsetting for her if had a partner and I dont think I could trust a man in the house with my child.

Of course I know not all men hurt children. I know there are good guys out there. But I was also fine being on my own before I had my child. Is there something not right with this?

I think it's perfectly ok to like being single, I do myself
in fact there was a thead a while ago about this, quite a few of us agreed we had the perfect households

ILikeItThisWay

I think you are a breath of fresh air. Why do you have to conform to other peoples expectations? Carry on doing what is right for you.

I would say it is not too healthy to be so fearful.

Your child is probably thriving perfectly well with just you, but could equally enjoy the experience of living in a family environment too. It isnt (in my opinion) healthy for a childs emotional development, to grow up never experiencing seeing how relationships work.

Is there anything that has happened to you that has made you so fearful of allowing a man into your dughters life?

Thankyou for the quick replies everybody :)

Yes I think its good being single too, I despair at some of my friends who put up with abusive relatioships because they dont want to be alone :( As much as I try and help them they dont see the single life as an option.

I just wonder sometimes because I am seen as abnormal by quite a few people, including trying to set me up on dates!!

squeaky I didnt have a great childhood, both my parents a bit unhinged to be honest, but no sexual abuse and thankfully nothing has happened to my daughter either. She doesnt see her father (his choice) and infact, even though she is 6, has never ever asked about him.

Ive not brought it up, ive been waiting for her to ask. I would never speak badly of him to her (even though he is a waste of space) . Some have said to me this is a good thing and she hasnt asked because she feels she "isnt missing anything". I wonder if its because Ive always been single in her eyes.

I applaud you

if my DH were ever to get out of my life, I would stay single

don't conform to society's expectations of you

if you meet Mr Right, so be it

maybe you won't

just don't settle for "Mr OK" in the hope he will change into Mr Wonderful

he won't

at "he wont"

I love your bluntness as always AnyFucker

(should point out so that doesnt sound weird - am a regular who namechanged for this post because I think some in real life might know my username and I would be very identifiable from this post)

well done OP in actually recognising this about yourself.

Because most people DO pair up in life we need reminding that it's not for everyone.

I have told my children from an early age that they do not HAVE to get married or live with a partner when they grow up.

Ilikeitthisway

I feel exactly the same as you!!

I'm another long-term single and happy that way. It is absolutely fine to be single. I am 46 and have never lived with a partner or been married - while I have a very amicable relationship with my DS dad we are not a couple and would kill each other if we tried to live together.
It's much better to know yourself well enough to know that you are happy single than to pair up with some bloke because you feel you ought to and then hate it. DC don't need to be surrounded by compulsive heteromonogamy. Presumably you have a father/brothers/uncles/male friends so that your DC gets to encounter nice men and be aware that men are human beings, good and bad.

Thankyou for the support everyone, glad to see you dont think im a freak (unlike my family)

Jemma good come join my club!! Do you also get wierd comments from people though? I actually had from a tutor once, "Well (insert my name here) is an eternally single feminist" As a joke in response to a private conversation I was having. As if being a feminist is a bad thing

Springchicken actually my father is dead and I dont have brothers. So there isnt really a male influence? But I try to make sure that she doesnt have a negative view of men as far as I can. Sadly I cant make her father be a good dad :(

Yes I'll join your club!
Your not, I'm not and anyone else who is happily single is not a freak, there's nothing wrong for not needing to be in a relationship.

I used to get comments like 'it's about time you got a fella' from a few people but they've given up now!
If and when someone does come along then you never know but, honestly the way I feel now I'm not waiting around!

Another happily single parent here, with no desire to partner up with anyone.

I've actually had my boss try to matchmake for me! It was done with the sweetest of intentions though, so I didn't mind (still made sure I politely declined however).

I don't believe all men are nasty sexist creatures and I am not dead set against having a relationship. I just don't see why that should necessarily mean settling down and living with someone. Ultimately, I don't want a man so much that I can be bothered to do anything about it as I don't get lonely. Also like you, I don't want my DC subjected to various 'father' figures, so they either have to be so transient they are simply 'just someone mummy knows' or it would have to be so serious I thought it would last throughout their childhood, which as that's not what I want, isn't going to happen.

Far better to be single than in a bad or 'not right' relationship IMO.

I think it may be worth exploring your trust issues about men around your DC. You are clearly rational and not of the opinion that all men are child abusers, so I think you need to lighten up on this. I think you set realistic high standard, and I'm pretty sure that if you did ever meet any one - whether as a lover or simply as a friend - he would pass muster enough for you to find you're actually quite comfortable with him being alone with your child. I'm quite fussy about who I will leave my DC with, and they are certainly mostly women, but there are one or two men as I judge each person on their own merits, not their gender.

You carry on as you are. You sound perfectly normal and very self aware to me.