Am I crazy to even consider this?

[ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky]

I live in a 2 bedroom house with dh and ds (9 months) and I have been talking to my sister today about her moving in with us. I have said ds can move back into our room but my sister said she doesn't want that so it looks like she'd be sleepling in the living room. This isn't something we have decided on a whim but something that we both, and even dh feel is necessary for her wellbeing.

She is 20 years old and lives with my mum and brother. I am going to list the reasons for ease of understanding and to stop me rambling!

1. Mum has mental and physical health problems which have been going on for years she is unwilling to help herself and if she carries on the way she is she is unlikely to be alive by the end of the year. However it should not be up to my sister to have to put up with her mood swings, overdoses, alcoholism etc. My sister deserves a life Of her own.

1. Financially she can't move out on her own. She is trying to get more shifts at work but in the current climate that is difficult. She only earns about £400 a month without overtime. She is supposed to give mum half of this for rent etc but mums extremely poor money management meansy sister never has any money for herself. She has no savings and no opportunity to save anything.

1. My brother (17) has a part time job courtesy of my dh however he's lazy and unreliable and likey to get sacked if he carries on. He is disrespectful to my sister expecting her to cook and clean for him and at the same time has stolen money from her. He is supposed to be paying mum rent too but as he is hardly ever in work he never has any money. If he does have money he spends it on himself or lends it to his mates.

1. The house could seriously do with a visit from Kim and aggie and even the. It would need fumigating first! Mums health problems have meant it has got worse and worse over the years and there's only so much one person can do when the other occupants don't care. I had the same problem when I lived there too.

1. This is a slightly petty reason but I feel is still valid, both my brother and mum smoke. My sister doesn't and hates living in a house full of smokers.

So for he reasons above I know that her moving in with us is the right thing however I'm concerned how we are going to cope with the lack of privacy for all of us and the emotional implications her moving out with have on our mum and on us. No matter what she has done or does she is still our mum and we love her, we just hate the things she does iykwim?

If anyone has any tips on coping with this sort of thing it would be a great help.

You should definitely do this. Her current situation sounds like a nightmare. Regarding her helping out with the baby, I know you say that's your job, but she's going to feel very awkward while she's there unless she feels like she can help out and improve your lives in some way while she's there. So make the most of this, you've got free babysitting! Maybe there are chores she could help with? Fetching shopping, hoovering etc.

She's also got to have a goal, maybe to save x amount and find her own place. As someone else suggested, maybe she's entitled to benefits of some sort. Does she work less than 15 hours? She might also be entitled to jobseekers. Read up on it or get her to. Poor thing. You never know, this might be a really good time for you both :)

OP you are doing a lovely thing for your sister - I think when you look back on this you will feel very proud for helping her out of this horrible situation. Its sounds like you are going to go ahead, but I think if you did decide just to leave her in her current circumstances you would regret it.

None of the things you mention are petty reasons for her not to want to be there.

With regard to the sleeping arrangements, we have our one year old DS still sleeping in our room. We tried moving him out, but moved him back because he is such a bad sleeper. We get more sleep in this situation and it is lovely waking up to his smiling little face. For us there really aren't many downsides to this, so I don't reckon it wouldn't cause you many problems to give your sister the spare room

You are extraordinarily kind and def doing the right thing.

It will be tough but you could affect the whole of the rest of her life very positively. I think you should let he help occasionally when she offers or she will find the whole thing awkward.

My DH's DB came to live with us for a couple of years when we first had a baby for other reasons (depression, unemployed etc), and he was in his early 20's, and it was fantastic having another person around to entertain the baby and to share cooking. We were lucky though that he had the space to have his own room. Oh, and he is now happily married, in a very stable job and with 2 adorable DC of his own I hate to think what would have happened had he continued living alone in a bedsit with his depression.

What a nice sister you are. I think you need to sit down with her, and work out a savings plan together, to enable her to get a deposit together. She can then look at a flatshare/bedsit and you'll have a firm idea about how long she is going to be there.

It might be a good idea to help her form some sort of long term plan for her job, so that she looks for apprenticeships or night classes. If she was studying A levels she's obviously quite bright, so she should be looking at a career rather than just a minimum wage part-time job.

I'd move your son back in with you and let her have his room. This then makes it a temporary set-up as obviously once he reaches a certain age he'll need his own room.

You're a good sister to her!