should I put mil straight on a few things?

[gottachangethename1]

Am a regular but have name changed for obvious reasons.
Last year dh and I seperated for 6 months after I asked told him to leave due to his constant verbal abuse of me. He was very depressed (with hindsight probably having a mini breakdown) over long term unemployment.

He has never been the most placid of people, but this was really truly unbearable behaviour for over 18 months. Anyway, he went back to live with his parents who live a very long distance from us and begged me to forgive him (I had gone as far as making enquiries about divorce), he attended anger management and counselling and after 6 months apart (we were both faithful to each other and in regular phone contact) we got back together.

My family were very unsure of dh's promise to change his attitude, but have eventually forgiven the heartache he caused me because they know I want to make things work, which they have been very well for the last 4 months. However mil & the rest of the in laws are very angry with me for asking dh to leave and refuse to talk to me.

They have only heard dh's side of events, which I am sure when he originally went back home were awful. I admit I made mistakes, I should have realised how unhappy he was becoming without work, etc but I was so busy working looking after dc and an elderly relative that I did put him on a back burner. However, I have been thinking about writing to mil (she isn't English, and I don't speak her language well enough to speak fluently on the phone) and putting my side of things across. Is this the right thing to do?

No, it is up to your DH to put her straight.

I also second your husband dealing with his mother, he should put her straight on exactly what happened and why.

I agree. However I think he has dug himself into a deep whole and knows that his mother would be mortified if she knew that what he said was spoken in anger, rather than truth. She is a very dominant woman and although he says he isn't, I think he is ruled by her.

I think she should be put straight, BUT I do think it should be with your husbands knowledge, and that the letter should be from both of you, or you see her together.

I was in an almost identical situation. The only difference being that I left my husband. We got back together and it was very difficult with his mum at first, as she also felt I had let her down (we were very close prior to this, and thankfully are again now).

I should (in hindsight) have talked to her before we split, and she would have helped me, but I didnt.

She knows the whole story now, and said she wishes I had spoken to her at the time.

Thanks squeaky.

I am dreading seeing my mil, it will be for the first time in more than a year, and I will have to stay at her house. I think this is exactly how my mil feels-that I have let her down. She has told me many times that she knows her son/my dh can be a pain in the bum, but I don't feel that I could have shared how bad things had got, mainly because of the language barrier also because I didn't want to worry her.
Glad things worked out for you.

I wouldn't - I tried with XMIL and she was playing XH & I off of each other. (apparently a woman's meant to accept & enjoy an abusive cheating ex cos it's your own fault if they do it - it's not the man's fault!)

it's down to your h to talk to his mum - perhaps a conversation on speaker?

I gave up with XMIL - after all as well, to be fair to her no mother (speaking as a mum here even if I'd batter DS if I found out he'd done half the stuff XH did) wants to hear what a shite her son is & what he's actually like - a natural reaction will be to stick up for her child.