terrible, terrible self-esteem.How can I get some?

[Boilerwoman]

The background is that my H had an affair and left in 2009.

He returned. But now I am finding increasingly that I can't undress in front of him, sleep naked, be particularly sexual, and that I hate the way I look.

Am rushing a little as about to leave work, but am wondering if anyone else has low self-esteem, and/or if anyone has some suggestions to help me dredge some up..

Me, for similar reasons atm

What does your H have to say about it? Do you think it is all down to his affair?

In my case it's not really my body image that is the problem, but my impression of myself, my character, how I interact with people. I've always been quite self-effacing with low self confidence.

I'd love to know how to feel better about myself without relying on others.

All I can suggest is that you start building your self esteem, for me it's been through exercise classes, only wearing clothes that the make the most of myself etc.

Do you work? If not perhaps volunteering somewhere where you feel valued.

Don't ask me, mate. People are always telling me not to put myself down - even when I think I'm boasting!

Boilerwoman, I hope you realise that your H's affair was nothing to do with your attractiveness or lack of. Don't we often see famous people's mistresses in the papers and think "wtf? She's not a patch on the wife!" There are many reasons why men have affairs but the least likely, by miles, is that you're too ugly to deserve him. From what I vaguely remember about how you said he behaved when he left, I'm astounded he managed to worm his way back into your life actually. I don't know what you or he look like on the outside, but he has an ugly soul. You, on the other hand, come over as rather sweet.

If you don't already, take up running - run/walk at first and build it up. You'll feel better mentally for it, it gets you out in the fresh air, and you'll feel a sense of achievement and improvement. Do it for yourself. I am suggesting this as a mental benefit but obviously there are physical benefits too.

If you are unhappy with the way you look, then you need to do something to change that. For yourself, not for anyone else.

Get a mate onside whose judgement you trust, and go on a retail therapy spree. Have your hair cut, have a mini makeover.

But do it for you!

Thank you all. I think I am just struggling in general at the moment. I sometimes just want to run away. I'm not explaining myself very well I know. I just find it all too much, you know?

Thank you all. I think I am just struggling in general at the moment. I sometimes just want to run away. I'm not explaining myself very well I know. I just find it all too much, you know?

You need to build it up in stages - but it will be hard if you are having your confidence eroded by your h. I don't know the background story there - did you have couples counselling/set boundaries?
The suggestion of running is a good one - mentally and physically.
Also, you could start to make some resolutions which mean you step outside of your comfort zone to do something new/exciting/interesting. You need to invest in yourself. Have you got good friends? Our self-image is shaped by the influential people around us. Do you have anyone telling you how great you are?

I remember your original threads - so sorry that it's not working out better for you at the moment.

No great ideas about the self-esteem, but the ideas put forward already sound good, especially the running. Friends who run regularly always seem to really enjoy it and feel good about themselves, especially those who do marathons or sponsored runs etc. I guess it's something to do with helping others as well as themselves.

I sometimes just want to run away. I'm not explaining myself very well I know. I just find it all too much, you know?

Sounds like stress & depression. Improved fresh air and exercise will help, as will a little makeover spree. But don't over-exercise; you might have adrenal fatigue from all the coping you've been doing over the past couple of years. Do you sometimes feel 'flu' tired, even though you're not having flu?

See your doctor. And be gentle on yourself, really.