Paying compliments to your other half - or more importantly getting them!

[Jules2]

I'm wondering how many couples pay each other compliments? Maybe I'm approaching (too fast) a very sensitive age (50) but looking back on my 24-year relationship with my husband I can't recall ever being told by him that I have lovely eyes, hair, lips, knees or anything! I know he loves me and is very supportive of me but I wouldn't mind occasionally being told I have some allure. Or - awful thought - maybe I just don't!!
I still find him attractive and say so occasionally (I sometimes even demonstrate it!). I remember once being with a pretty friend and she'd lost her mobile phone. Her husband texted her via my phone, saying something about giving a message to the 'hot Chinese girl etc.' I thought that was lovely and was quite jealous - of the compliment. Aaah - if only.... www.mumsnet.com/te/3.gif

I tell DP he is the most gorgeous, wonderful creature with exceptional cooking skills and the prettiest face I have ever seen many times a day. He tells me many nice things very often too. But we are only 2 years in and he is exceptionally pretty.

According to some sources it's a form of abuse not to ever give compliments! I tried it on a regular basis with my dh but rarely got one in return. Smarts, doesn't it?

same as chubs, we start the day with a mornign handsome/princess text [puke] then several compliments during the day/when we see each other.

not long into things though. It's quite nice to hear compliments when feeling fat from a pg tummy.

I'm sure you have plenty of allure - have you discussed this with your DH?

I guess some people don't feel the need to say it?

I give my partner compliments all the time, and he does the same back to me.

Like getting blood out of stone with my dh, I think he thinks that if he starts now I will get big headed and leave him!

I'd even go so far as to say most of our communicating is complimentary (when we're not debating politics or maths or cars lol)

I dont see my DH all week, maybe months on end (armed forces) and I dont get compliments and very rarely a kiss when he gets home (unless he has alteria motives). Were 4 years in and im only 30 so god help the next 60 odd years!! He just doesnt feel the need to tell me stuff like that every 2 minutes but when he does say them it makes a bigger impact!

I've been married for nearly 27 years and I think this is really important in a relationship, but it shouldn't just relate to compliments about appearance or sexual attraction (essential though those are), but about eachother as a whole person. Hence, if one of us is discussing a tricky situation handled, the other will often say "you dealt with that really well, you know" or "that was such a kind thing to do for friend/ relative/DC". All these things boost confidence and offer support.

Do you think you've just got out of the habit of viewing one another as sexually attractive human beings?

Could you introduce this again and get into the habit of saying one positive thing to your H each day? Or start to send a few sexy texts?

We are big on compliments (not all the time but regularly enough to know I am really appreciated) and I mean every word feel very lucky to have such a kind, gorgeous attentive DH, been together 13 years, married for 1 and in our late 20's. Hope things never change x

I don't think I could be with someone who wasnt complimentary. I'd feel wildly unappreciated. Maybe that's shallow but I don't think so.

Like whenwillifeelnormal I recieve compliments not only on my physical appearance but on me as a person, same as vice versa. I think you should bring it up with your husband and say how it makes you feel.

I think it would help if you made a conscious effort yourself to pay compliments. That is probably the first step to hearing some back.

On the other hand - after hearing some of these ever-so-slightly smug anecdotes - I have to remember that my husband and I have managed to stay together for 24 years and we're still talking to each other. I know So many people who haven't made it past the first 2-3 years....with or without the compliments!

I tell my wife how beautiful she is and other compliments - not very frequently, but not infrequent. In 20 years together I cannot remember any she's given to me, something which only occurred to me a couple of years ago.

Jules2 - all I've ever wanted was what you have - kids, a long-term relationship/partnership.

Compliments shmompliments. Actions speak louder than words, I reckon.

jules - mine never gives me compliments and it stinks, because it makes me feel like a piece of the furniture. I never give him any, either, though, and I'm going to try much harder from now on, otherwide our relationship will be down the pan sooner rather than later!! We've been together 28 years, though, so that must count for something!!