Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

H knuckled me in the head because he didn't know what else to do

35 replies

Gotitwrong · 19/05/2011 18:28

Only typing this after a couple of glasses of wine as too ashamed to do it! Need help please. Troubled times for couple of years. Head still hurts after H knuckled me hard in head on Sunday. I mean really hard. Came up in a really big "egg" and still hurts. He denies doing it said I did it myself! I know I didn't do it - he did. However I was in a bad way at the time he did it so maybe he did do it out of desperation. I asked him to get off me. To stop holding me to leave me be but he wouldn't. I was so completely distraught as he wanted to have sex and I couldn't coz I was so messed up in my head due to our ongoing problems. I wanted to talk but he would not listen. I got so frustrated that I wanted to lash out. I could not lash out at him as I do not hate him so Iam so ashamed to say that I hit my hands on my head in frustration. I know that I did not do the damage - I hit my temples and he hit my head!!!!!!!
What can I do ? He denies it. Said I did it. Says I am weird... I am a nutter. Well I am so messed up maybe he is right

OP posts:
merrywidow · 19/05/2011 20:33

Here you are I found;

"The Story of An Hour"
Kate Chopin (1894)
Knowing that Mrs. Mallard was afflicted with a heart trouble, great care was taken to break to her as gently as possible the news of her husband's death.
It was her sister Josephine who told her, in broken sentences; veiled hints that revealed in half concealing. Her husband's friend Richards was there, too, near her. It was he who had been in the newspaper office when intelligence of the railroad disaster was received, with Brently Mallard's name leading the list of "killed." He had only taken the time to assure himself of its truth by a second telegram, and had hastened to forestall any less careful, less tender friend in bearing the sad message.

She did not hear the story as many women have heard the same, with a paralyzed inability to accept its significance. She wept at once, with sudden, wild abandonment, in her sister's arms. When the storm of grief had spent itself she went away to her room alone. She would have no one follow her.

There stood, facing the open window, a comfortable, roomy armchair. Into this she sank, pressed down by a physical exhaustion that haunted her body and seemed to reach into her soul.

She could see in the open square before her house the tops of trees that were all aquiver with the new spring life. The delicious breath of rain was in the air. In the street below a peddler was crying his wares. The notes of a distant song which some one was singing reached her faintly, and countless sparrows were twittering in the eaves.

There were patches of blue sky showing here and there through the clouds that had met and piled one above the other in the west facing her window.

She sat with her head thrown back upon the cushion of the chair, quite motionless, except when a sob came up into her throat and shook her, as a child who has cried itself to sleep continues to sob in its dreams.

She was young, with a fair, calm face, whose lines bespoke repression and even a certain strength. But now there was a dull stare in her eyes, whose gaze was fixed away off yonder on one of those patches of blue sky. It was not a glance of reflection, but rather indicated a suspension of intelligent thought.

There was something coming to her and she was waiting for it, fearfully. What was it? She did not know; it was too subtle and elusive to name. But she felt it, creeping out of the sky, reaching toward her through the sounds, the scents, the color that filled the air.

Now her bosom rose and fell tumultuously. She was beginning to recognize this thing that was approaching to possess her, and she was striving to beat it back with her will--as powerless as her two white slender hands would have been. When she abandoned herself a little whispered word escaped her slightly parted lips. She said it over and over under hte breath: "free, free, free!" The vacant stare and the look of terror that had followed it went from her eyes. They stayed keen and bright. Her pulses beat fast, and the coursing blood warmed and relaxed every inch of her body.

She did not stop to ask if it were or were not a monstrous joy that held her. A clear and exalted perception enabled her to dismiss the suggestion as trivial. She knew that she would weep again when she saw the kind, tender hands folded in death; the face that had never looked save with love upon her, fixed and gray and dead. But she saw beyond that bitter moment a long procession of years to come that owuld belong to her absolutely. And she opened and spread her arms out to them in welcome.

There would be no one to live for during those coming years; she would live for herself. There would be no powerful will bending hers in that blind persistence with which men and women believe they ahve a right to impose a private will upon a fellow-creature. A kind intention or a cruel intention made the act seem no less a crime as she looked upon it in that brief moment of illumination.

And yet she had loved him--sometimes. Often she had not. What did it matter! What could love, the unsolved mystery, count for in the face of this possession of self-assertion which she suddenly recognized as the strongest impulse of her being!

"Free! Body and soul free!" she kept whispering.

Josephine was kneeling before the closed door with her lips to the keyhold, imploring for admission. "Louise, open the door! I beg; open the door--you will make yourself ill. What are you doing, Louise? For heaven's sake open the door."

"Go away. I am not making myself ill." No; she was drinking in a very elixir of life through that open window.

Her fancy was running riot along those days ahead of her. Spring days, and summer days, and all sorts of days that would be her own. She breathed a quick prayer that life might be long. It was only yesterday she had thought with a shudder that life might be long.

She arose at length and opened the door to her sister's importunities. There was a feverish triumph in her eyes, and she carried herself unwittingly like a goddess of Victory. She clasped her sister's waist, and together they descended the stairs. Richards stood waiting for them at the bottom.

Some one was opening the front door with a latchkey. It was Brently Mallard who entered, a little travel-stained, composedly carrying his grip-sack and umbrella. He had been far from the scene of the accident, and did not even know there had been one. He stood amazed at Josephine's piercing cry; at Richards' quick motion to screen him from the view of his wife.

When the doctors came they said she had died of heart disease--of the joy that kills.

----------------

sunshineandshowers13 · 19/05/2011 20:35

you know we are here and you know we will listen for as long as it takes. Any time of day or night - someone is always willing to listen.
be kind to yourself - sounds like no-one else is?

AnyFucker · 19/05/2011 20:54

I am here too

what he did isn't right

what he did was designed to control you, and make you submit

you are not at fault, you are frightened to change something that though you know it isn't healthy, is all you have known with him

please do some reading on the Womens Aid website (as a starting point) and think carefully about reaching out for help in real life x

neuroticmumof3 · 19/05/2011 21:17

you have nothing to be ashamed of, he has made you feel confused and ashamed, it's part of the abuse. please call women's aid or at least go on their website and have a look at the information available.

Gotitwrong · 19/05/2011 22:30

Merrywidow - thank you for finding the story. Powerful stuff. Whilst I do not wish H harm I do fantasize about being free and wish he would just leave me. Wish he would have an affair and just fall in love with someone else. I do feel so powerless and trapped. I am scared of what he might do should I involve solicitors etc. Have told him that I am scared and again he tells me I am not right in the head and that he loves me and could never hurt me!
But he has hurt me before both emotionally and physically so I don't know what to do.

Although I don't love him I do care about him and don't want to get the police/courts etc involved as that seems too nasty. Just want him to "be a man" and accept enough is enough and accept that this marriage is over.

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 19/05/2011 23:16

get that head photographed by victims support, it can be used in evidence in court when you are strong enough to go through with leaving him. you will be one day... you have already started by posting on here... good luck..

get it checked out by your gp too... it must have been bloody hard if it still hurts so many days later... (been thumped in the head a couple of times too and it bloody hurts)

Bohica · 19/05/2011 23:28

A time will come when you know enough is enough, I hope a punch to the head that still hurts 4 days later is enough.

There is lots of support out there (and here) for you & your children but only you can choose to take it.

Call womens aid & take it from there, I promise that it will be the start of a nice new life.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 19/05/2011 23:37

But he will NOT 'be a man' and behave reasonably. He is abusing you because he wants to. He enjoys it. He doesn't think you are a person at all, you are a thing he can manipulate and damage whenever he feels the urge. He's a horrible human being. THe man you 'love' is just a mask he puts on.
Do call Women's Aid, they will help you both with the practical stuff and the emotional stuff, and help you get rid of him. As he has been violent more than once, it should be easy enough to get him removed from the home and barred from coming back - though if he has an income he will still have to pay maintenance.

MadamDeathstare · 20/05/2011 02:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

humptydidit · 20/05/2011 13:41

gotitwrong my exh did that to me too, I was trying to talk to him and he wouln't listen and I got really wound up and frustrated and in frustration I started jumping up and stamping on the floor, he was on the other side of the room... next thing I know he punched me in the head saying "i was hysterical" so he did it for my own good????
Cut a long story short, I have now left him and am so much happier. I didn't leave that day but not long after.
Please contact womens aid just for a chat, you do'nt have to give your name and they won't judge you or make you go and press charges. When my ex hit me I never went and reported him, i felt too ashamed. If you don't want to then don't dwell on that, concentrate on yourself and getting yourself sorted.
Leaving is v scary but afterwards is so much better, there is tons of excellent support out there waiting for you to take it.
Please put yourself first now and start on the road to getting away from him.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread