Should I go to ex-byfriend's dad's funeral?

[kittydinner]

Hi there! I often browse the mumnet site for ideas and opinions but I've never posted before. I've decided to because I'm having a mini dilema.
I went out with a guy for about 5 months in 2008. We didn't get on in the end and split up after a big ol' row but made friends again afterwards agreeing that we'd be better off apart. So, not a major relationship. I visited his parents family home frequently during our time together and got on great with the whole family, and I understand that they were disappointed when we split up. That's a long time ago now and I have a partner who I live with and I avoid contact with the ex as he has a tendency to flirt and pry (which is fair enough) but I don't feel it's appropriate to encourage it.
His father passed away suddenly on Monday. He was only in his 60's. My ex contacted me by email to invite me to the funeral. I've only been to 2 funerals before, for family when I was little. I just don't know if I should go or not. I haven't seen my ex for years. I don't want to be rude to him or the family by not going, but somehow it just doesn't feel appropriate? Am I wrong? What would you guys do?
Thanks in advance!

I personally wouldn't go, just because in your position, I wouldn't feel at all comfortable going to my ex BF of 5 months who I hadn't seen in years fathers funeral no matter how well I got on with him, I'd feel like a funeral crasher.

I'd send a polite email back expressing your sympathies but that I wouldn't be able to make it.

I'd be tempted to make your excuses - but perhaps send a small bouquet of flowers/donation depending on what the family have asked for.

i would take a different view. i would go if i had known other members of his family such as his mother and any other siblings. If i had gotten on with his mother well, albeit for a short time i would go for her sake. You could also just go to the funeral itself but not attend anything after that.

"I avoid contact with the ex as he has a tendency to flirt and pry (which is fair enough) but I don't feel it's appropriate to encourage it."

No good will come of that, and this is not the time to risk a scene. I question his motives to invite you tbh, I wouldn't be offended if a guy I was seeing 3 years ago didn't invite me to his father's funeral, not at all, I'd think it almost inappropriate to go tbh.

Send a condolences card, a donation if appropriate, but otherwise, YANBU if you decided not to attend.

Hi kittydinner.

I was in this very same predicament a few weeks ago! Except that in my case my ex boyfriend and Ihad broken up (and not seen each other for SEVENTEEN years!)

However I decided to go to the funeral and Im very glad I did as it was lovely to see my ex boyfriends family after all that time (all be it in sad circumstances).

You have to do what your conscience tells you. I know a lot of people thought I was nuts for going but I was very fond of my exes Dad (and all the rest of his family) so I went as as a mark of respect to them. I would have felt like I had "let them down" (and myself) if I hadnt had gone.

However the only downside to this was seeing my ex again. We split up (after six years) over something or nothing and never really resolved our issues, both of us were too stubborn to back down at the time! Seeing him again has brought all this to the forefront of my mind.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

NET