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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

sil

4 replies

eRamber · 19/05/2011 11:12

Namechanged and keeping some for the details vaugue to avoid identification.
6 months ago my SIL completely broke down while we were alone and basically told me my B has been pretty badly abusing her physically (more than once) and very cruelly mentally (saying she was mental, she was going to be locked up nd the baby woud be taken from her) + other stuff.
She was absolutely inconsolable and weeping like Ive never seen anyone before. We both were in tears.

I got cotacts for WAid in the area for her that evening when I got home.

Next morning I gt a v long text, saying she was overtired, it wasnt that bad and that I not to speak to anyone about it, that she had spoken with B about it and they had worked things out. She said she had told B that she had told me about what had been going on. ie B knows that I know what he's been doing.

In the 6 months since I have hardly seen SIL or my DN or B. At a recent family gathering organised by B he did not invite me or DC which has caused a lot of upset in the family. My parents were confused and annoyed we had not been invited. My dad commented, was B bullying sil as she looked very frail and thin.

I have a feeling B is isolating sil further. I am v worried about her and DN. I dont know what to do as if I did open my mouth I would probably get shot for being the messenger.

As for my B, he's always been a shit and I felt sorry for SIL when she married him, so her revelation although shocking was not entirely surprsing.

Any advice? I dont know what to do for the best at all.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 19/05/2011 11:16

I think you migth be right - it sounds like when she told her husband, that he took steps to make sure that she wouldn't be able to do that again.

I would give her the details for Women's Aid - confidentially - maybe to her work? so that her H can't get them.
and I would be inclined to tell your parents, too - if your dad has noticed, then it sounds like he'd be receptive.

Icelollycraving · 19/05/2011 12:35

What an awful situation. Seems she told him,he has isolated her from the person who could help her. I think you can't break a confidence but perhaps call her when he is at work & say you are worried about them.
If all else fails then do ask yr parents for a bit of help as they obviously know something is going on.

HerHissyness · 19/05/2011 12:41

good idea, talk to your parents. How awful for you to watch your own brother do this.

oldwomaninashoe · 19/05/2011 12:43

I would talk to your parents, your dad sounds worried, it does sound like he is trying to isolate her.
It is a very difficult situation does your SIL work or is she a SAHM?

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