Bloody hell....where to start?
We've been married for 11 years and have 2 DC - 4yrs & 14 weeks.
We've had various problems in the past but really they all came to a head 2 years ago, just as DD was turning 2.
DH announced he wanted to leave, was looking at flats etc. Turns out he'd found an ex on Facebook & thought he was still in love with her, which was why 'he didn't think he'd loved me throughout our marriage'. They met (without me knowing) and he realised he wasn't. He asked to stay, I agreed. This is all in the context of me finding out I was pg in the middle of all this & having a subsequent m/c.
I know I was weak to let him stay but with the pg & m/c I was emotionally all over the place.
Fast forward 18 months & I end up on a course through work that the ex was the tutor for. Coincidence or what??? I was obviously humiliated to see this woman there, and ranted at DH about it. I was 6 months pg at the time.
His main concern was for her feelings & how what had happened in the past was his doing etc. I accepted this, was civil during the course etc. I wanted to handle things my way.
Yesterday I opened Facebook again to find he was still logged in. I found a message chain between them from when our son was born. Nothing at all controversial in it, just letting her know he'd arrived, but I was upset that he'd managed to find time to email her when he hadn't even managed to find the time to buy me a bunch & flowers (and still hasn't).
I asked him if they'd been in touch, he said 'No' then said 'Oh, only when you were on that course & I emailed her to make sure she was OK'. I was furious that a) he'd lied & said no originally, and b) that he'd contacted her whilst I was on the course.
I had explained to him that I wanted to do things my way, that I wasn't going to do anything to make things awkward for his ex, but that her feelings weren't really a priority of mine.
Obviously he'd ignored my feelings & put hers above them. And did it again when DS was born.
Last night he tried to make out that I was being ureasonable & surely he was 'allowed to let people know DS had been born' as if she was just another friend rather than an ex that he thought he still had feelings for.
I went to bed upset, he came up later acting as though nothing had happened.
Our DC were awake lots in the night for various reasons & we ended up rowing about the way he is with our DD. She woke, he went to see what was wrong, she wanted me & started crying. He then picked her up out of bed at half three in the morning & told her she was to leave the house as she was waking her brother up.
I told him he was (very) wrong to do that & he replied by saying that all of her bad behaviour is down to me, the reason DS doesn't sleep through is my fault etc. He then went into the spare room & hasn't spoken to me since.
I want to leave him, he has anger issues & is very controlling towards me. I'm on maternity leave & am about to be made redundant - what can I do?????