Sex after giving birth....

[Tortu]

five months in and it's still hideous. We've managed it three times since giving birth and each time I'm basically bracing myself (erotic only for a certain sort of man) and wincing. Normal?

Can anybody tell me about their experiences?

Is the problem that I'm breastfeeding?

p.s. Thinking of stopping breastfeeding as I know that has a massive impact on my hormones, but didn't want to post on the breastfeeding section as am scared that some of the ladies on there will call me a selfish cow. Just reckon that, on balance, if the breastfeeding is impacting on my relationship with my husband then I should think about stopping soon.

Don't stop bfing before you're absolutely certain that it that's messing your hormones (otherwise it will be a lose-lose situation). And even if it is, it depends on whgat is more important to you. Are you using any lubricant? Maybe you can try more gentle ways to have sex.

(btw, are you exclusively bf'ing, or just a couple of times a day?)

Is it painful or uncomfortable? Did you have stitches. Honestly after my 2nd it was a year until it didn't ouch a bit during and probably the same after my third. Lots of stitches both times and even now (youngest is 4) it twinges a bit in certain positions in that area.
Breastfeeding didn't make a difference, I fed my youngest till she was 3, but didn't feel that impacted on it at all. If you want to stop, then do so but consider if you do and itakes no difference will that upset you?

Are you attempting sex because you feel you ought to be having sex by now or because you really want to?

Oh no! A year?

Basically I used to love sex, but at the moment I have the sex drive of a piece of toast so, no, I'm not particularly interested- though I feel that in a marriage, it's not just my interest that is the issue. I did have a hefty load of stitches, yeah, but I feel over that. It's more general pain and discomfort- despite lubricant.

You're right, I would feel bad if I gave up breastfeeding and it turned out that was not the issue (and I am exclusively breastfeeding at the mo). Anybody else any experiences?

Are you using the mini-pill? I was given Cerazette and it killed my sex drive. Been off it a month and getting my mojo back...

I'd suggest touching yourself first and getting used to that so it is not uncomfortable, you are clearly not relaxed. So once you can bring yourself to orgasm comfortably you know you will be ready for sex with your partner.

After DS2 sex was very painful, it felt as if my insides had shifted and his willy was bashing my cervix, it was horribly uncomfortable! It did get better but took over a year, I think strengthening my pelvic floor helped. Now I've had DS3 my libido has just disappeared even though sex isn't painful!

after DS, (tore/stitches/vontouse) it was painful, uncomfortable and tbh I would put it off.

only thing I can suggest is wait until you're really ready for penetration, maybe a little of doing other things first - sometimes it hurts more as we're not fully relaxed & aroused enough to have penetration - is that possibly a prob?

also make sure it's at a time when you're sure bubs won't wake up as also I found I couldn't relax when I had one ear open listening for DS waking up. (a favorite time was always about half an hour after he went to sleep. ) Other than that, don't rush take your time, I think it was a good year before mine settled down again.

If there is pain and discomfort please get checked over by a GP and ask for a referral if needed.

BFing can impact on libido, as can being generally knackered from having a baby and adjusting to motherhood and the new identity it brings.

That said I've bf 3 kids for 5 years in total, including 3 periods of doing the exclusive bfing bit and all was fine for me in this area.

Bad stitches and traumatic labours can cause lots of issues, including nerve damage and lots of women don't seek help quickly enough because they think it is normal. Pelvic floor exercises may well help as well as someone else mentioned.

Ho hum. Thanks so much everybody. Feel better having had your advice and hearing your experiences.

After having my boys I found sex v painful for months. It felt as if a raw wound was being rubbed. I had a 2nd degree tear / stitches and had wondered if it was a problem with the way I had healed.

I saw my (lovely, lovely) GP at around 7 months post-birth who looked and said I'd healed fine but had vulval vestibulitis - basically an inflammation of the area around the glands that produce mucus down there. It's not an infection & I don't think the cause is known, but trauma of childbirth can be a factor. She prescribed a local anaesthetic gel (I giggled all the way home thinking about telling dp I needed anaethetic before he could come near me!). Dp wasn't v happy using that as he worried that covering up the pain wasn't the best way forward - worked a treat though! My GP said to go back if it didn't get better and she'd refer me to a gynae as there are other things can can be done. Luckily things improved a lot over the next few months for me and although I can feel it at times (13months post-birth), it's only v v vmild discomfort now and doesn't really get in the way so I haven't gone down that route.