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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this suspicious? What would you think?

18 replies

Liliesandveuve · 17/05/2011 21:34

Our relationship is on it's last legs, but he insists he still wants it to work.
He works late a fair bit.
Last night , working late, he made a point of telling me he had switched his phone off( to avoid talking to his boss)

tonight he phones me at 5.10 to tell me he is supposed to go out with a guy he used to work with. Then tells me he's not, so I assume he's still working.
He's just text me to tell me he's been out with clients!

So an old friend let's him down and then miraculously some clients turn up to take out?
He sounds a bit pissed now.

What's going on?

OP posts:

funnyspelling · 17/05/2011 22:03

He's warming up a back up in case itdoesn't work with you. Trust your instinct.

You can either drive yourself crazy trying to prove it and catch him out or just move on.

Jemma1111 · 17/05/2011 22:08

It does sound suspicious however make sure you get real proof of a possible affair before you confront him

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 17/05/2011 23:05

That's nowhere near proof, but it's just a bit strange. Surely he could make up a better story, which in turn makes it more believable?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 17/05/2011 23:13

Sounds like total bullshit, sounds like it is new to him and he is panicking about covering his tracks.

PeppermintPasty · 18/05/2011 12:15

Lilies is right-this is all about your gut. it sounds like a cliche to say listen to what your instincts are telling you, but sometimes we so desperately want things to be different that even the most switched on woman will ignore red flags in her own life. i thought i was on it, but i kept ignoring signs when it happened to me. have it out with him, clear the air-what have you got to lose(from what you're saying about last legs etc)?

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 18/05/2011 15:02

Oh I don't know
He came in about 10 and was quite drunk, said he arranged to go out with clients at 4.30 and he called the ex-colleague to see if he wanted to meet him later.
This client does seem to be quite frequently up for drinks at short notice.
It wouldn't surprise me if he was just looking for someone to have drinks with, not necessarily another woman.
Just to avoid coming home
will keep an eye out for any other signs.
I'm not particularly worried, just thought it was really strange

OP posts:

MelodyMeringue · 18/05/2011 22:50

Does he work in a professional role/for a professional company?

If so, clients turning up to go out at late notice is rubbish. I've been a PA for 15 years and that does not happen. Sorry, don't buy it.

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 19/05/2011 10:09

yes he is a professional.
He has a lot of client functions, most are very organised, wine tasting events e.g. But he does have some people within the market that are just around the corner, so he does just drink with them, ie, the relationship is a bit less formal.
But what do I know? I've never met any of them

OP posts:

PandaLove · 19/05/2011 10:13

I would be on guard but be careful of paranoia, probably an innocent lie

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 19/05/2011 20:46

So after coming home earlyish last night, here's tonights text message
"am out tonight, sorry, won't be too late"

WTF?

OP posts:

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 19/05/2011 22:01

Well I'm going to bed, he has yet to tell me who he is out with, just that he has had dinner and is well fed.
I give up

OP posts:

CottageFrog · 20/05/2011 00:10

was that a text to you?

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/05/2011 04:43

Why bother sticking around for proof? You say the relationship is on it's last legs. Being suspicious must be driving you mad. Why not just end it now?

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 20/05/2011 07:28

Yes that was a text to me.
Tbh it's not driving me mad,I'm a little bemused as to the strangeness of it.
You would try and make feasible excuses wouldn't you?
Last night one of his new bosses was in town so a few of them were invited for dinner. Which again has happened before so could be for real.
I think this has just made me realise that I really don't have any clhatehat he is doing, nor do I care.

OP posts:

Bast · 20/05/2011 08:42

"Our relationship is on it's last legs, but he insists he still wants it to work."

What do you want? You sound so despondent

As for his insistence - actions speak louder (cliché but so true).

He's not even barely trying. You deserve better!

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 20/05/2011 08:53

well I don't want him anymore.
Bast I have a couple of threads about him
I am planning on leaving, but really because of his selfish behaviour and lack of patience and understanding with the children.
But I have only just come to grips with this, and I'm a bit confused about the whole thing now.
I am slowly getting to grips with what I have to do.

this is another issue that has come up, and just reflects that he thinks he can do whatever he wants, that he has no consideration for me.

what nice husband sends his wife a text like that?

OP posts:

Bast · 20/05/2011 09:11

Sorry Lillies, I haven't been around for some time, hadn't read your previous threads.

As mothers, we're so much (naturally!) quicker to spot poor behaviour towards our children. The dawning realisation that if the children are being poorly treated, then we as mere partners are bound to be subject to equally if not far worse treatment tends to follow sometime after in the form of a perspective shifting kick in the guts.

Don't let it take the wind out of your sails. He sounds generally arrogant and self centred. What I find deplorable is his insistence (potentially binding you to him with chains of hope) versus his obvious lack of intention and regard. I'm quite offended on your behalf!

Original poster

Liliesandveuve · 20/05/2011 09:14

oh, don't apologise! I just wanted to explain that this was just a side issue!!
thank you

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