So the man who promised to be there for me and his son has gone, I'm feeling sorry for my self and need some perspetive.

[bristolcities]

DS's dad has upped and left. It's never been an ideal relationship but it was at least a relationship of sorts.

contact has been limited but it has still come as a terible shock to recive a message saying he was moving away but 'as long as ds was hapy and loved thats all that matters' what a cop out. He is opting out of ds' life but thats fine as long as I struge to mke sure ds is ok.

Im so despiraty sad for 4 year old ds.

BTW my key boar is missing letters and stiky so sorry for mistakes

Seems typical of all these men that walk out to feel fine that they can do as they please and screw everyone else!

What a selfish bastard!

Hope you kick him where it hurts, his wallet.

Good luck to you

Did their dad explain WHY he has upped and left? If so, what were his reasons?

I'm a dad (daughter is 5 months old today) and I could NEVER leave them.

Unfortunately some men don't understand the saying "any fool with a d*ck can make a baby, but it takes a real man to raise his child/children".

I'm surprised that he doesn't want to be any part of his kids lives, especially his 4 year old!

How old is your youngest?

By "them" I meant my daughter and my fiance! :o)

Sorry I know women do it too

It's cool, some of us men (obviously NOT me) are complete tw*ts!

:)

Ah some men here to restore my faith. He has never been very reliable but fantastic and loving with ds when he is aroud. I'm just freakin out beause if I listen to the media hype and research it seems my son is going to end up some sort of wrekless, lost adult. But having known some fantastic boys bought up soley by mothers I know im being silly.

doesn't stop me being very, very hurt for ds though.

I text ds's dad t ask what it is he would like me to tel ds, no reply. Im at a loss.

No explination apart from opertunities somewere else and bordom with were he is at the mo. But he sugested that this is totlly final, he no longer wants to be involved

Again sorry for terrible typing.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through bristolcities. Your partner sounds like an absolute waste of space. Has he outlined how he plans to make sure his child is 'Loved and happy' now that he has decided to bugger off?

Your son will not turn out badly because of this as long as he has his loving mother (which he has). I firmly believe it's better to have one parent setting a good example than to have two and watch one making the others life a misery.

I'm not sure what to suggest you tell your son. I have no children so not the best to advise probably. Hopefully wiser peeps will be along to help shortly.

I don't mean to judge your other half bristolcities but for a father to turn round and say that he is "bored with where he is at the moment and has opportunities elsewhere" makes me feel bad for you and littluns but if I were you I'd concentrate on continuing to raise your kids with all the love and attention that you no doubt give them already and try to forget about your other half if he literally wants nothing more to do with any of you.

My parents split up when I was 3 or 4 and their relationship was pretty volatile....no physical abuse but more mental abuse....and my mum raised me and my sister absolutely amazingly even though she had a full time job.

And I've grown up (now 30) and see myself as a top bloke with a very good job that I love, loads of good friends, etc. so I wouldn't worry about yours growing up with any issues!

I completely agree with MilkandWine about having a single parent setting a good example.

Hi there i really feel for you at the moment, this happened to me when my DS was 3 he is now 6, you suffer all types of emotions and wonder how you will cope, will you ever be happy again,will your children be happy? it's a trully terrible situation to be in, but you will be happy again you will get over it and your children will be totally fine. My son is i have always been matter of fact about things with him, i never say your daddy left obviously, but i just say we don't see daddy anymore thats ashame but you have mommy nanny and go through the list off all the people he does have who love him, he honestly hardly mentions him anymore. I still feel the guilt heavon knows why must be a mom thing, but if i can do it and move on and be happy then so can you, and i really do believe better to have one good parent than parents who do not get on.xx

OMG that is terrible, what a coward not sitting down and talking to you about it.

Has he told you how he proposes to help you financially? Has he left you totally in the shit?

I raised my two boys myself from when they were 7 and 2.5, they are marvelous kids, one just finishing Uni and the other just starting this year.

It's wrong to say boys from single parent homes end up on the wrong tracks, seriously they don't.

Really feel for you - sorry.

Thank you all for your messages. I only have 1 ds (sorry prosabaly wasnt very clear). How will he financially support me? Pah. He wont. The end of that message said 'i will try to get you money as soon as im settled'. I wont hold my breath. He now wont answer his phone or respond to texts. I feel like a mad women. I must have rang him 5 times this eve. Am meeting with his mum on wednesday but I dont think it will be much help.

OP - another dad here to give you some support. I usually promise myself that I won't swear when posting but I really struggle reading threads like this. A**eholes like this man are the lowest of the low. Stating the blindingly obvious, anyone who can abandon their child like this, is simply bereft of any quality required to raise a child. Horrible as it might be to accept, you and your DS are a thousand times better off without him.

Of course in the short term it's going to be sad to know he has left - but do you really want a lowlife like this in your or your DS's life? He clearly isn't going to treat you with any respect and he would be the WORST role model for his son.

Keep rereading VeryProudDaddy's post about his past and how his life has turned out. Remind yourself that tThe future is bright for your little one because i) he has you and ii) because this idiot is now out of both of your lives. Never let him back in.

Be in no doubt that the vast majority of blokes will feel the same contempt for idiots like this. I promise you it won't be long until you are seeing this as the lucky escape that it is, because someone like him would only make life worse for you and your DS.

Thinking of you. Good luck :)

Are you going to report him to CSA Bristolcities? Because saying he will try and get you money simply isin't good enough. He has a legal duty to support his child.

Sounds like an absolute prat, I am so sorry. When you see his mother make sure she is told what an arse her son is being, don't hold back, I bloody wouldn't.

Hello all. Sorry went to bed early. Woke up to text saying 'he didn't have the head space to deal with this at the moment . Thank you veryProudDaddy there is hope. And as your name suggests it hasn't affected your abitlity to be a great dad and as you sad forge normal relationships. Phew.

I am knakered now though. What pisses me off is that he assuming I an do this on my own (maybe i should be flattered ) but he is behaving in a way that is making it really hard for me to be the parent I would like to be. I don't know why I am trying to rationalise his behaviour.

I will phone the csa although he won't comply and I think it could be a vey lengthly process, that is if he isn't working cash in hand.

Thank you all again.