Help me be nicer to my DH (inc restarting sex life!)

[NeedToStopBeingACow]

Have name changed for this.

Mini backstory - have been quite seriously ill for most of this year but am finally seeing the light and feeling a lot better. Fatigue is the main issue now, but I can work around that as on long term sick leave and sleep in day if need be. DH has been a complete STAR, taking on all household and child related tasks and making no demands on me whatsoever.

NOW:

I am on various medications inc steroids which make me irritable. It feels like extreme PMT (which I don't even suffer from any more!), you know when the tone of voice and words happen then you think "why the fuck did I have to be such a bitch?" later....? I am REALLY trying to curb this as some of it is from the frustration of not being particularly able at the moment and I am the DOER in the family normally, because DH is being SO good at doing it

Also, we normally have a really great sex life and I know if I showed any interest at all he would be up for it, he is very affectionate and shows me every day how much he loves me and finds me attractive. But I feel like a feckin virgin again, I am SO SO nervous about initiating anything and anyone that knows me knows this is SO not me. I can't drink alcohol to numb the nerves either, which would be my first suggestion :o

Can anyone offer any advice? We have got into a really boring routine of cuppa and the 10 o clock news in bed then I play on my phone and he reads.....

Wondered about hiding his book tonight and just trying to Go For It.....which is all well and good until it comes to actually starting...I seem to have forgotten HOW :(

How much "initiating" would DH need before he got the idea?

Are you comfortable with starting things off and letting him take the lead?

Imo saying to him "it's been a while and I'm a little nervous" would help him understand while being quite alluring in a 'gentle flower' sort of way...

Btw I'm an H in a similarish position - ie been a while and waiting for DW to show interest once more.

What about going out in the evening to get into the mood? Dinner somewhere quiet, or a movie?

Is booking a weekend away together a possibility? Again, only relaxing activities once you're there.

Don't wait until the end of the evening if possible! It will just play on your mind and you will get more and more nervous. Can you get the DCs into bed nice and promptly and settled down, then have a bath, then tell him you need some help drying your back/rubbing in body moisturiser/whatever and then...

You will then be able to snuggle down with him for a meal and TV without thinking 'Oh God what if he wants to Do It later on' - and because you have broken the drought, both of you will be really relaxed and close. It'll be lovely.

Can you tell I have done this in the past?!

what about doing something like having a bath together?. might break the ice, get you relaxed and things will take a more natural course iykwim

SeeSawSee :o not much inititating I am sure :o He is such a sweetheart, no pressure at all, but I know he wants to iyswim.... Telling him would work but I can't believe even the thought of THAT makes me nervous!

checkmate we were actually on a rare night out last night....and I had it in my head to go for it - but bottled hence this post! I really thought I was going to do it last night (even went to bed naked for the first time since ill!!) and no........fell into the same tea/book routine GAH!

thecowardlylion thats a really good plan....kids will be in bed early tonight cos of busy day....and then I might run a bath and he often uses my water after so if I hang around upstairs.....also really do have V dry skin after illness.....

gulp

lucykate not done that for YEARS.....but without giving myself away there is a good excuse I could make for trying ;)

oooh so glad I asked this now, THANK YOU GUYS!!

Maybe try drawing on memories instead of trying to plan something new.

I have been in a similar position and I know it was planning how I would go about getting back into the swing of things that made me more nervous and conscious about it. I'm confident it would have happened sooner if I had just been me.

Instead of thinking all day about how you'll go about it maybe think about good memories, intimate memories. How good it felt to be so close, how much you love eachother. Let your mind take you to that mills and boons place or a step further to the black lace novels. I know it looks very corny when you see it in black and white but when it's developing in your mind it's different. You know he adores you and finds you attractive so feed on that. You don't have to plan anything, all you need is right there, love and friendship.

Go to bed, have your cuppa and let him read and revisit all those memories, you don't have to talk just take his hand and pull it over you and spoon for a while. Feel him close to you and without any pressure just 'feel' your connection. Remind yourself how great you are together. How lovely it is to have eachother, how nothing feels better than his breath on your neck.

Fantasizing is as much foreplay as any physical contact. Start it all in your mind and relax. Planning is not necessarily required. Good luck.

Can't it just start with a cuddle?

Send him a few naughty texts throughout the day and he won't need much of a "prompt" to get things on when he gets home! hehe

Good luck ;)

Hi again!

Thanks so much! We ended up with an impromptu couple of hours without the children in the late afternoon/early evening so I text him to say "come straight home" so he didn't pop to shops on way or anything.....he got the message to the extent he came home early :o and the bath was on - the rest came naturally ;)

He has been like a dog with two tails since and I feel so so much better for going for it!

cookie Your post made me feel all warm and comfortable and will definitely use those tactics as I know I will feel nervous for a while, it happens every time we have a "drought" for whatever reason.

It has made me realise I am still not fully recovered tho, blimey still exhausted this morning :o :o and DH is bringing me breakfast in bed ;)

That's great. Your H sounds so lovely.

Best of luck to you with your recovery and here's to many more baths

@ 'like a dog with two tails'!