If you could be a guest to the perfect wedding...

[aurynne]

...how would the whole day be?

I have been reading several threads about weddings of hell, where guests complain about not being able to take children, ridiculous gift lists/honeymoon voucher requests, bridezillas, invitations to ceremony but not to reception, and generally the wedding being more a pain in the bum than an enjoyable time.

These days I am thinking about how I would like my own wedding would be (this is just hypothetical, my DP and I are not even engaged, but hey, a girl can dream). I have realized that the most important thing for me, apart from declaring my undying love to my DH-to-be (cheesy :), would be that my family and friends there had a fantastic time, felt appreciated and cared for, didn't feel uncomfortable with anything, and came back home really happy and with fantastic memories from that day.

I will give you a summary of the things I would like to do for my friends and family in my hypothetic wedding day:

• I would make clear in the invitations that no gifts are expected, and I would MEAN it.
• Instead of gifts, I was thinking about making sure everyone could have a chance to become part of the celebration, by asking friends and family to help with parts of the wedding according to their own hobbies or preferences: i.e., if one of my friends has a great voice, he/she could sing for us, if one of them is great with decorations, they could help preparing some hand-made ones, etc etc.
• I would implement a "wear only clothes you're comfortable with" rule.
• I wouldn't celebrate the wedding in a place where it would cost the earth for people to attend, and I would try to organize affordable accommodation and transport for friends and family who have to travel (my DP and I are from different countries)
• Children would be welcome, I would provide a place for them to play safely and organize a rota with friends to make sure they are supervised all the time.

Do these things sound like what you would enjoy? I know every person is different, but I would really like to hear about some more ideas. If you were invited to a wedding by a good friend or a relative, and you could have a say in it, what would that wedding include/not include? What would make it an absolutely unforgettable day for you and come back with a big smile?

Practical examples and stories from some of the weddings you've attended are very welcome

I am soooo not a wedding person, but here goes:

The single thing that would make weddings more enjoyable for me would be if the bride could talk about something else occasionally during the year or so previous to the wedding. By the time the event arrives I'm usually bored shitless by it.

I don't think anyone could organise anything that would quality as 'perfect' for me as a guest. I wouldn't expect them too; it's about the bride and groom after all. For it to be a perfect day they would have to scrap the service, the photos and the speeches, and well, it wouldn't be a wedding then would it?

Gift lists, dress codes and awkward locations don't bother me. If it's too much hassle I won't go, but I won't be cross with the bride and groom for not organising their day around what I would prefer. I'd want them to enjoy their day as much as possible and do what they want to do.

Sorry, not much help I know.

Sounds good to me but don't put me down for the rota Mine are 16 & 18, I'd leave them at home tbh.

Then again I'm easily pleased, and I've never been married. Just one word of advice though, make sure you and your dp (at your hypothetical wedding) are happy with what will be happening and don't try to please everyone or else you'll tie yourself up in knots. The consideration you would obviously give to your guests means they'll be happy :)

Aurynne, that sounds just great.
Please can the also be something to DO? I get teethgrindingly bored waiting around at weddings for somethng to happen. Yes you can chat, but even that gets a bit boring after 3 hours of NOTHING HAPPENING.
Also, people get HUNGRY.please feed me at regular intervals

Thank you. I am looking forward to my invitation.

I went to my cousin's wedding last year and we had an absolutely brilliant day. In fact we didn't actually go to the wedding, but the reception afterwards. The wedding itself was a low key registry office affair with only very close family there.

The reception was held in my auntie's garden, which is fairly large and gorgeous (my cousin is a landscape gardener), and the whole thing was very informal. There was a small marquee that housed the bar (all paid for by my cousin) and a couple of gazebos for shade - the weather was glorious. To keep the costs down the guests were asked to contribute a dish of food - a selection of salads, meats, bread, smoked salmon, cheese etc for the buffet. The wedding cake was in fact a fancy cake stand with a chocolate cake, a cheesecake and an apple cake (with spares in the house so that all the guests got a piece of their choice). I thought this was a brilliant idea as not many people I know like fruit cake.

The whole affair was so relaxing and informal. There were no silly "no children" rules and everyone, without exception, had a good time. It helped that the weather was so good as well.

Before I split up with my last DP and actually thought this might be on the cards I thought about it quite a lot and how to make it a wedding easy for guests. I thought about hiring out a big group of holiday cottages for a long weekend somewhere easy for everyone to get to. The cottages would be stocked with lots of yummy food. There could be a BBQ say on the Friday night, coaches to the wedding venue (maybe a Town Hall) on the Saturday and back to the cottages and then a big marquee reception (or in a room there is there was one)at the cottages.

All alcohol would be provided because it could come from a supermarket and be cheap and people could contribute towards the accommodation but it would not cost as much as a hotel or something. The food would be informal with lots of picky stuff and then masses of CAKE!

People would actually get time to spend with each other and catch up over the weekend and they could treat it as a weekend break and see some of the area. The kids could roam free around the cottage site and play and there might be a chill out/play room for them later on. Even better would be if there was a swimming pool at the cottages. AND everyone could dance the night away but not have to argue over who had to drive home. Perfect.

sounds perfect apart from the children.I'd like a wedding without mine, or anyone else's there!

I am taking note of some of your advice... I particularly like the idea of booking a cottage or small hotel fr the whole weekend... after all, some people would have to travel from very far away (Spain - New Zealand).

NorksAreMessy your invitation is in the post already. And I have booked Derren Brown to entertain the guests for the evening ;)

On a compromise between children allowed / children not allowed, how about having a separate room with toys for children to play and make noise in their own place?

Make it only last four hours. By that point most people are drunk and bored and are quite grateful to be told to bog off so you can get on with the honeymoon.

I was sort of joking about no kids!
I personally love a day/evening out without my kids, or anyone elses. Even if there was a sep. room , small kids would keep coming in and out to have a whine at their parents!

As someone with lots of little ones, I love a "no kids" wedding, for the simple fact that it forces us to try and arrange ("try" being the operative word!) childcare for the day/overnight and DW & I can spend some lovely time together!

Having said that we are going up to Scotland this weekend for a wedding with the children. The bride and groom have organised a room for the kids together with some nannies/entertainers so that the parents have as much chance of enjoying themselves and the other guests (hopefully!!) aren't disturbed by the little brats angels. I must say this makes us feel a whole lot more relaxed about the weekend! I can report back when we get back on Tuesday if you'd like!

We have also been invited to a no children wedding in June where we are staying overnight. We are both massively looking forward to it!

Hmm ideal wedding...

Cocktail style food that never runs out.
Lots of wine and simple cocktails.
Entertainment for the guests while they are waiting for the wedding photos to finish.
Lots of little tables and chairs so people can mingle more.
Kids...still undecided about that.
Fabulous band so everyone dances.

I love the 'bring a dish' idea.

And one thing we mum, sister and I chatted about while trying to find out fits for brothers wedding - how about dress code being 'you can only wear something that you own already (or maybe can borrow)' to save the stress and expense of buying new clothes.

Wedding lists - not the naff poem about sending a cheque instead. I'd sooner I was presented with a wedding list than a request for money.
I guess there is then the hassle though if you want to get the bride and groom a pressie, or choosing something they actually need.
I really don't mind wedding lists.
Instead of the wedding list, having a long list of dishes (if the wedding is quite local) for the buffet though could work.

I love the idea of wedding in pub, followed by sausages and mash / fish and chips. When we got married it seemed that every 'venue' (pub) then insisted on a huge sit down meal.

We had a marquee in parents garden. We had DS age 2 then, so I could put him to sleep in his usual bed. Had caterers, but doing a buffet bbq. Wine etc all from supermarket/france, local DJ, parents friends popping in in the evening, walk home for lots of people.