They don't like it up 'em!!!

[thisishowifeel]

A weekend of MY friends, saying how wonderful IIIIIIIIII am.....shit, a few pints later, I'm mad, I'm a pathalogical liar. TWAT.

BLAAAAR....BLAAAAARRRRR

He even knows what his therapist thinks of me...

NO HE DOESN'T...MORON!!!!!

Therapists don't pass opinions on someone they've never met. full stop.

This was the first time my friends have come to our home. So there's some way to go then?????

can you clarify a bit?

He's in therapy because he is emotionally abusive. He's been in therapy for about a year. Womens aid said it usually took two.

Big step forward in that WE entertained MY friends this weekend, for the first time ever.

Hmmmmmm.

Roll on therapy day.

Who had the pints him or you?

Wouldn't just getting rid of him be easier?

I am having some kind of melt down I think. I have re-started therapy. The weekend was illuminating as I found out a lttle more about the sheer extent of my older sister's hatred and jealousy of me. It's impoosible to marry up the person my family saw, and the person the world sees, and God knows where h lies on that scale.

I have never had the confidence to invite my friends here before.

I have realised just how much I don't trust my h, I don't believe loving someoe is something you say, it's something you do. This is all still so raw and I am hurting so very much.

It's all so complex, maybe I should just scuttle back to the Stately home?

It's actually quite simple.

Family treat you like shit. Thus you grow to believe you are shit, so when husband treats you like it, you don't even notice for a while, and when you do you accept you probably deserve it.

Since the fact is that you are not shit, sooner or later you will come in contact with other people who also notice you are a human being and treat you like one. This makes you think. You tentatively take off the shit-tinted spectacles and... oh look, the world is quite nice in places, and so are you!

Pity the poor buggers who look at you and see shit, for it means their eyes are awash with it.

Remove "also" from "other people who also notice", sorry.

The two ends of the scale are so extreme though, I simply can't get my head around it.

And the more people told me how wonderful I was, (and they did, and again this weekend a lot, I had no idea of what people used to say) the more they 9my family)would hate me and seriously, literally try to destroy me, and have my kids taken from me. They spent years doing this. The full extent of their obsession with destroying me is only recently becoming clear.

The horror that was my first marriage is only now becoming clear too, and the collusion between him and my family. It's horrific. They tried to suck current h in, and succeeded to an extent, but not completely, but I cannot trust him anymore, and saying he loves me just isn't enough. It's left me over needy.

I actually can't cope with it all.

Annie....thank you.