is there ever any honest reason for this...?

[no1idiot]

Found out husband had (check tense) an affair with married woman which has been over (apparently) for 18 months as she drew line under it. He has travelled a couple of times over hundred miles to "see" her since as they are still friends. Nothing happens . The last time was not that long ago. Does this sound like BullS*? The more I play things over in my head the sicker I feel as the more holes I think I find in the tale I have been given. The waves of anger are not getting easier.

He's not exactly making a great deal of effort to win your forgiveness, is he? Have a think about your relationship without the affair - I wonder if he has been taking you for granted and showing you little respect for quite a while. Because it sounds like he isn't bothered about the distress he has caused you, quite likes his comfy billet and doesn't want to have to move out, and for some reason he thinks you are so desperate to 'keep' him that you will accept anything as long as he doesn't actually leave you.

He is having his cake and eating it, or having his cake and trying to eat it, or something.

He won't realise what he has lost until you take it away from him. He must see you as incredibly weak to flaunt this under your nose.

He won't believe you aren't weak until you, metaphorically, change the locks.

I still find it annoying that women don't have a special "affair change the locks" law and that it's not allowed.

I am up after another restless night and I feel the same. I hope it's not going to be another long weeek. Thanks ladies

Morning OP. How do you feel this morning?

I think, given the circumstances, if he was very keen to retrieve the marriage he should be fawning over you, making you feel fantastic.

You also need to consider if you can live with the lack of trust from now on.

I would strongly recommend going for some sort of counselling (sp?) so that you can organise your thoughts before you try to make any decisions about your marriage. It sounds like you need a neutral party to straighten out your thoughts with. I think you should be able to see someone very quickly. Then you would at least feel you were doing something and taking back some control over your life.

So sorry to hear all this....and by the way you are NOT an idiot....your husband is a shit.
and .....I reckon if he is seeing hers still there is more to it than just friendship. He prob just told you that to relieve his conscience. Kick him where it hurts...