If your dh tells you you have a small brain does it effectively mean that your relationship is rubbish and that he does not love you???

[arabella2]

Dh has accused me of being stupid in arguments before and we went through a bad patch this summer where he was doing it (in arguments). He has not done it for a while but did it again this morning and I am in pieces about it...
Things are not great between us in general as he is massively overstressed working physically very hard 5.5 or 6 days a week and only has a little bit of time for the kids and none for me when he comes home. I am pregnant with baby no. 3 and am looking after a 4 year old and 19 month old. I am knackered and at a low ebb and can't take any confrontation and take his irritations badly. Two nights ago he had a go at me when he first came home about leaving the dishwasher open and there not being sugar and white bread in the house (which I had said I was going to get that day but then didn't) - this "conversation" did not go well and we did not really talk for about a day after that. Then last night was ok and this morning as well up until he started talking about somebody wanting an alfa romeo (a woman) in what I took to be a disparaging tone in that she wanted her husband to get it for her. Dh has a thing about women walking off with their husbands' houses etc... His first wife got his whole house when they divorced and he is very bitter about this... So I kind of reacted to what he was saying and said that anyway she had her own means to buy a car etc... The conversation quickly got heated and I said that I had thought dh was implying she wanted the car off her husband without doing anything to get it herself... he then said that wasn't true and that it was all in my head which would have been fine but then added "but it is a small head"... I said that I did not insult him and he retorted that I insulted him in a different way by "knowing everything"... Also this morning he was going on about not caring about what I wanted and buying a place in Spain - for years he has talked about this and I have never been very enthusiastic. Then while taking ds to nursery I was wondering whether there is any hope for relationships when one person seems to think the other is a bit dim. I feel at a low ebb at the moment - things with dh are difficult, my mother is not well, I don't particularly get on with my parents, the other mothers at ds's nursery are kind of cold (from a "snootier" part of London) or at least this is how I perceive them - I just feel that at a time when I could really do with some support there is none to be had...

oh you poor thing. You are pregnant and everything seems worse. Nothing anyone can say will help,but we are all thinking of you. Try to relax a bit and laugh off some of what he says. Men are often thoughtless and donr realise what they are saying..my ex was a bit like this.

I think you need to have a talk to him about what he really means - my DH often belittle things. His classic phrases are "that's just madness / that's bonkers" - which makes me feel like he's telling me he think's I'm mad. We've talked about it though and I know that he doesn't mean that.

It sounds to me like the two of you are under a lot of pressure and that could just be why there is this tension.

ask him who is worse the one with the small brain or the one that sleeps with people with small brains, then call him a dickhead and walk out of the room.

No Arabella it doesn't tell you anything of the sort!
It tells you that your dh is stressed and taking out his stress on you because he is comfortable that you will aways be there. It also tells you that you he is less emotionally intelligent than you because he is unable to deal with his own feelings of bitterness, unable to empathise with you coping with 2.5 children and no support to speak of. It is a mean low trick to accuse somebody of the one thing you know is going to upset them most but we can all do it when we are at our most stressed. Remember you are the strong one here. good on you.