Internet Dating - here we go again...

[AprilRose]

3 1/2 months after a heart-bruising, I've decided it's time to put myself back out there. I'm a confident, attractive young woman (or so I keep telling myself), I can't continue to sit around moping over what used to be or waiting for Mr Right to come to me.

So yes, the Match profile is being dusted off and updated, and I'm leaping back in. I just need to figure out what I'm supposed to put in that damned 'About Me' box! Hate this bit.

Anyhoo, in an attempt to prolong the agony I figured I'd see if ayone here had any words of wisdom to offer? Any tips for how to make a profile really zing? Also, any success/horror stories?

My own offering;
Last time I was on match I had one date which, due to my own insecurities, was really rather rubbish. We went to a zoo (not really an ideal place for the first meeting) and after 10 minutes, all I could think of was getting out of there, poor fella! Going to do better this time, even if it doesn't lead to true love.

Can't help you with the profile thing but first dates are best set up so they are not hours long, unless you want them to be. Quick drink after work, lunchtime drink etc. I prefer really informal meets and am actually meeting someone for stroll this evening - with my dog in tow for security! I've met a number of people over the months and by being informal, it takes the pressure off but I am yet to meet anyone that I really want to see again. Good luck though.

Waste of your time and money. Go to an evening class !

Hi there - I've tried internet dating in the past and it didn't work for me because I think you have to actually meet someone to see if there is mutual attraction, plus all your time and energies go into the online dating. Things like evening classes are a good idea as Celibin suggests - IME it's far better to spend your time, money and energy doing things you want to do, taking up a new hobby, learning new skills, etc because it will help build your confidence, make you a more rounded individual and you'll meet people through these things without the pressure of it always being a date. You'll make new friends, then the chances are you'll meet some of their friends and who knows what might happen!

I met my gorgeous husband on loveandfriends.com - the first and only internet date I've ever had! I loved the site, much more than the others I looked at... it might be worth a try?

Met a man online and for various geographical reasons haven't met him yet in person. But we have talked and emailed for 3 months and made good friends. I rather like the old fashioned notion of getting to know somebody well before exchanging any bodily fluids. There again we are meeting soon and may take ten minutes to decide we are incompatible. But at least I will have a friend.

I met DP on Match.com. 8 years and 1 child later still going strong. TBH I didn't put a lot of stuff on my post! I couldn't think of a nickname which had been taken so ended up with a random number (which DP only later said made him think of a prison number!) and didn't put a picture up as I was too shy. When I finally sent one to DP (we emailed a bit before meeting) the only suitable one I had showed only half my face!

Think DP was only second internet date. I emailed him because of all the suitable matches he was the only one who looked fanciable in his photo and had put down interesting stuff in his profile. First date was great, met for one drink and we ended up chatting for 3 hours. Well, he mostly chatted and I just kept thinking it was the only man I'd met for a very long time who I found interesting enough to talk to for that long.

As for tips - for me it was about really sitting down and thinking about what I wanted from a man/relationship - and trying to find someone who matched that.

Can't remember what I put in my profile. If you're really stuck suggest getting RL friend to write it for you.

ps. Also have good friend who recently married Match internet date - so it does work for some.

I met my dp of 7 months on plentyoffish. You need to take everything with a pinch of salt really, you will get messages from total chancers. WIth my dp, I messaged him first as I liked his profile. Don't sit back and wait for people to message you first, I sent him a message about a film he'd mentioned in his profile and we hit it off. We met after about a fortnight of exchanging messages and took it very slowly at first. So I only met one man from internet dating, but he was the right man :) Internet dating ges a bad rap sometimes, but needlessly imo.

there are too many looking for easy sex on match etc, nothing wrong with that but many string you along claiming that they are looking for the real thing. i was seeing someone from match a while ago, it was fine neither of us wanted it to go anywhere then he stated being a bit more demanding so i moved on.

of course not every man on there is like that but many are, when you have exchanged a few emails and maybe some phone calls what else is there to do but have sex

if you are looking for a Mr Right which i think in itself is leaving you vulnerable i think you are better off finding them at an evening class. if match etc is the way for you i certainly would put nothing about being or feeling insecure on your profile. just make it light and fun what you like doing (can make this up) and that you hope to meet someone that you enjoy spending time with

I met DP on smooch, (only as they have the chat thingy to ping up which pof had gotten rid of) was only after a bit of banter/light chat with random people. he slipped my vetting & got my email address but took a good few weeks thou. the rest as they say is history, i'd been on/off them for a few years prior, met some drips, met some ok folk met the best man to happen to me.

my profile I think was pretty much no nonsense. (by this point was fed up with the whole i'm not single & looking to shag about will you help me sort) so I'd clearly stated that any one not fully single would get packed off back to their wives with the raw end of my tounge. One slipped through (who incidently works with DP - we never met though as he was far far too full on for me msn'ing literally every 2 seconds or texting - old mobile had given him - turned out he was married- honestly had no clue thou as only 'spoke' for a day)

anyhow, with DP went into it not really wanting to go for the date & had to be talked into it by friends, nearly cancelled after spending an hour in traffic getting home, and then finally he texted jsut before we were about to meet saying can we only do a drink as i've had to pay my son's schooling - anyhow, by this point of being tired etc and really not caring I shouted dinner, he 2 cokes, he didn't get a kiss but I did get an amazing man. Think it also helped he knew he had a curfew - 2 hours to impress or there wouldn't be a second chance as had DS & it was a school night with mum baby sitting lol.

so be direct in your profile, a little humour, keep it short. but mostly jsut have a giggle with it - treat who ever you talk to with caution, don't give too much about yourself away and talk in general terms - basically as if you would an acquittance from work.

fwiw SIL/DB met online as well (myspace as was) - she thought he was someone he went to school with, wasn't until they met up she realised he wasn't and by then didn't have the heart to tell him - poor girl they're married now with a DC. :o lol but it can work then as well.

I also met my husband on LoveandFriends, this was a few years ago now (married for 3 and DC2 on the way) - I thought it was a great site and never met any creeps on there. Both he and I thank our lucky stars for it as we would never have met in real life and would never have been so happy. I think that internet dating can actually be a good way to build your confidence anyway, it can get you back into the swing of dressing up and feeling pretty, chatting to people etc. I had a few dates before meeting DH and while they were not the guys for me, they were good company and we got on ok and I had fun meeting them.

As far as your profile goes - be honest about yourself, what you like and what you want - if someone reads it and doesn't like it, then you haven't lost anything, and anyone who does like it is likely to like you!

I have also heard that Match.com is full of married people looking for sex so wouldn't have gone that route - you used to be able to try loveandfriends for free so maybe give it a go as well?

Good luck!

You start your original post with " I'm a confident, attractive young woman" yet you don't say that in your Match Profile offering....tut tut. At least put THAT in your profile and then say more about what you are like and what you are looking for!

I met my fiance on Match.com 2 and a bit years ago and we now have a 5 month old daughter together. So internet dating DOES work if it is right for you.

Us men like confidence so make your profile sound confident.

Good luck!

I met my bf on POF and he's lovely so it can work.

I think your 'about me' bit is too negative. I agree with previous guy - put something far more confident and upbeat

Thanks all for your stories. Seems like these sites are hit and miss, which I suppose I knew. It is nice to know there are so many success stories out there.

I'll have a look at loveandfriends, see what that's like. I've set up my Match profile, given them a small fortune for 3 months' subscription (and then immediately called them to cancel the auto-renew. I'd rather they didn't automatically take my money in August thank you very much) and am about to head back in there to take your advice and confidence-up my profile. May have gotten a little carried away with giving my life story, so maybe a little less waffle and a little more 'yay me'!

Shall hopefully be back in a month or so with the beginning of a success story... (Or at least some juicy after-date stories to tell!) :o

p.s. the bit in my op about the zoo date isn't my match profile; it was just my offering of a internet dating 'horror story'. My actual profile is long and over-detailed and not as zingy as it ought to be, but doesn't refer to past insecurities, I promise!

I met DH on match 5 years ago and we have dd and a dc on the way!

I went on LOADS of dates and had a great time, I took each one as it came, didn't expect anything and met some really interesting, and odd, men.

DH said what he liked about my profile was that I said I had a really good social life with lots of friends, but sometimes would like that closeness you get in a relationship.

I agree that lunch dates are often a good first date. DH told me months after we met that he arranged to meet me at 9pm on a Sunday in the pub (all very last minute) in case we didn't get on and he could clear off at 10.30. I think I have established he is in for the long haul now

My friend - who was really nothing special- went on a longish course which was 80% men She dated 1 short term, another for 6 months and then moved in with a third! Honestly she got them because there was no competition and these career minded men found it hard meeting women in their male dominated field.It is as simple as that ! Never seen any woman let alone one with goofy teeth (sorry had to tell the truth) get so many guys cooing over her and her coursework