Living with a partner with OCD

[Venacava]

Me and my DP have been together 18 months. We moved in together 4 months ago, me moving 100 miles away from my family and friends to be with him whilst he is finishing his final year of his degree. It's not as bad as it sounds, we met at this university so I have lived near this area before, but obviously all of my friends I met at uni have graduated and moved back home or onto new places.

About a year ago my DP revealed to me that he has suffered with OCD most of his life. This isn't the typ of OCD where he feels the need to clean constantly or organise everything. He suffers with constant bad thoughts of things that might happen. He says it's like when you watch a bad movie and you feel petrified, well he says his brain is like that all the time. He can't switch off from it.

I am trying to be sympathetic but I'm finding it hard and wondering if I have made the wrong decision in moving in with him. The OCD gets worse as the day goes on, so in the mornings I see the man I fell in love with. He deals with the bad thoughts by squealing, shouting, jumping or grabbing his collar on his top, tensing his face, shaking and completely disappearing into himself.

Every evening I have to deal with him jumping around, shouting and squealing. Certain things make it worse, like cooking, doing housework etc. Sometimes he will be halfway through doing something and give up and I have to step in. I have been through a pretty bad time of it myself recently. Moving house, starting a new job that has turned out to be awful, having to work away from home lots and I'm finding it exhausting. I wish I had the choise to just not do things. To just not cook or wash up or make the bed. But I have to do it, otherwise we would live in a mess.

It's got to the point though where I can't even watch what I want on tv because it makes him scared. It's funny how it's always the things I want to watch that we have to turn over. Or we have to listen to what he wants on the radio, at midnight when I am trying to get to sleep because 'he needs it to relax'. I feel so trapped in my own home.

The ironic thing is one of his fears is that I'll leave him, but by him having this fear and reacting to it it's making me fucking miserable. I should point out that he's had CBT before, which worked, but apparently the NHS counsellor up here is rubbish. And he has been on medication but it makes him very forgetful which he has had to stop because it impacted on his degree.

Move on.
The relationship does not seem to be giving you that much.

You cant stay with him because of his ocd. You can however leave him for it.
It is up to him to get help and get his illness under control.

My neighbours 8 year old son has been diagnosed with this. He is learning coping strategies, and ways of reasoning with himself. If an 8 year old can be expected to learn to handle his own mental health (with parental support) then I would imagine so can your boyfriend.

I feel very sorry for your DP. He needs help.

I also think that some of the responses to your OP are very harsh. Would you really be saying that she should leave him because he did not make her happy if he had a physical illness?

You also need help in coping with his OCD but he needs to seek help first.

There are a number of different drugs that can be used so he should go back to his GP and seek a referral to a psychiatrist so that he can find a drug that will help him deal with his symptoms. He probably also needs more CBT and he needs it from an OCD specialist. If he doesn't do this, it will be very difficult if not impossible for him to get better.

It must be very difficult for you and I can see why you would be frustrated upset and even angry.

I hope that you both get the help you need soon.

Thank you all for such wise responses. Sorry for the radio silence, I have been at work so will check back in the morning and write a proper reply.

I'd hate to see my daughter, if I had one, be saddled with this man. I think you should wish him well and get out. He has too many problems.

Well said EachPeach. I don't think that people who have no experience of OCD and the like are in a position to be commenting. I thought mental illness was becoming more accepted as being genuine and people were realising that there is help for people just because they don't have a more obvious illness/disability. If this man needed to use a wheelchair would you all be saying "Oh no, don't lumber yourself with having to push him around all day, get out of this relationship now"? I doubt it.

They both need to seek help, he needs to want to do it which is hard for someone in his position, DP has told me how hard it is. Lets just hope he has a more understanding GP than some of the posters on here.

Hi

I just wanted to sympathise.MY DH suffers with this terribly. I have always known he suffers but through periods of stress it gets worse. He will end up shouting and swearing as he is unable to do things like simple things of opening wardrobe door!Its frustration of knowing that he is doing something which appears silly but cant stop it. he also has someother rituals that he likes doing, it can take him up to 30 minutes just to get ready for bed. I do end up doing most of the housework and cleaning etc otherwise we would end
up in a mess or it would simply take to long for him to do.

Part and parcel of the time I ignore it as best I can but every so often it is very annoying and stressful and exhausting. However he did have a course of CBT which helped. I keep telling him that he needs to go back to his GP but he is worried about his job etc if they find out he has mental health issues on this records. Also he has to acknowledge that he has got worse!

please try and get help together if you can, i can honestly say that he is not doing this on purpose and i didnt realise the extent of my DH until we moved in together. it is also something that he will always have you cant be cured but there are techniques to help keep under control!