big row - ds heard

[changenow]

had a screamin row with h yesterday. happened during the day so ds (5) was awake. Not in the same room,but must have heard. Feel awful. Hardly ever happens while he's awake, and not often to tht extent whe, he's asleep. h and i lost our tempers wit eachother and he told me to f off, get out of house , never come bck etc.
Feel so guilty for rowing like that with ds around :(

I think the important thing is to make up with your dh very much in your ds's presence, ie the little reassuring kisses/hugs stage. It's obviously bad that the row escalated to that point, but important imo that he sees that having a row isn't the end of the world.

What mumblechum said - and I would add that you should, together, tell him you're sorry but you both lost your tempers, and your DH should tell DS he used a bad word (or whatever you choose to call it) and he shouldn't have etc etc (otherwise you can guarantee at some point over the next couple of weeks your DS will tell a friend or teacher to "f* off and never come back" :o

It's hard to keep tempers under control all the time.

I think the best thing to do is to tell DS that you are sorry you argued with Daddy yesterday, that you both got very cross and shouted a lot, that you said things that were just very silly and that you didn't mean - that neither you or Daddy are going anywhere and love each other a lot (etc etc etc) as long as it's the truth don't say it if there is some chance you might split up (in the near future), as that will just make it worse.

It wont hurt for him to have heard you row (as a very occasional thing) but it may worry him that you are about to leave.

What are you doing about your situation though? It doesn't sound like you are very happy if you are doing this somewhat regularly:(

Thanks :) Ys, maybe we should made more of making up infront of ds could do tht now. Not exactly sure how much he heard, so not sure about saying about bad words, etc?

Has H apologised to you for saying all this? Unless you were saying the same, HE needs to be the one making sure things are OK, not you!

Rows happen. It's not healthy for a child to grow up thinking they shouldn't. As long as issues are aired, dealt with and made up for, they'll learn it's a part of life.

My parents never argued, consequently whenever I fell out with a DP it was so traumatic for me. I have to say that my parents never argued because my mum always kept the peace and trod on egg shells, which of course is another thread entirely.

constant rowing on the other hand of course is harmful too. There has to be a balance, if it's a one off, it'll be fine.

Don't panic, it may never have occurred to DS that there ought to be something to worry about, so ask around the subject before diving in talking about splitting up etc. Tell him it's normal for people to get cross sometimes, but that you are BOTH sorry if he heard anything and if it upset him. Your H has to be there for this too.

Thanks. we both apologised together to ds earlier on :)

Cant sleep as so upset that h could use such horrible language with ds around. Thing not good with us anyway< and this has made things even worse

Thanks> i'm so so upset about him having sworn t me, i did the same to him the previous night . It's because he did it with ds awake and nearby :(

you are deluding yourself if you think your child never hears the rows "because he is asleep"

i am sure people on here will testify to lying alone frightened as a child because their parents didnt think they could hear them shouting and screaming

I'm sure he just sleeps through it. Shouting doesn't happen very often now and if it does, rarely near his room. I always check on him straight afterwards, always fast asleep = thankfully